Lilah by Gemma Liviero Page A

remember that before Hanna’s illness there was
little flesh on her bones and I wonder now how many times she must have been
subjected to my father’s visits. It is all so clear now. How could I have not
seen?’
    ‘You weren’t expected to understand such
cruelty.’
    ‘I was her brother but always wrapped up in my
own woes, my jealousy of Andrew, my desire for my father’s attentions, my
loneliness.’
    ‘Emil, stop it! You could not have known.’
    He turned to me, gripping his own wrist as if
somehow it would take away his pain inside. ‘Part of me did know but I refused
to believe it.’ He stood up. ‘I’m sorry he has hurt you so viciously. Neither
of them will hurt again.’
    He opened the door to leave but I jumped up
then and grabbed his arm. He shook me free as if he didn’t see me, as if I no
longer existed, and I even sensed a slight revulsion, fleeting though it was.
Because of the deed of his brother I was perhaps no longer pure to him as
Andrew had predicted. Still, vengeance was foremost driving him, and whatever
his thoughts were of me I did not want any wrong to befall him.
    I ran after him uncaring that I wore only a
chemise. Although he was not well, his cause had also given him strength.
‘Please,’ I called after him. I had not had time to heal the aching in my legs
and stomach, something I had never consciously had to do.
    Emil was calling now for his brother. He walked
out the front door.
    ‘What do you want?’ asked Istavan who appeared
from nowhere, sneering at both of us. Emil’s eyes were wild, and me with my hair flowing without a cap, shoeless in my
nightgown.
    ‘You are no father of mine,’ shouted Emil.
    Istavan stood for a moment, eyes narrowed. He
took a step towards his son with fists clenched then walked away towards the
barn, his black cap disappearing into the darkness of the grounds. Emil
followed him shouting: ‘ Are you a coward father? Is
that why you hide?’
    Istavan reappeared carrying a horsewhip, his
stride purposeful as he headed towards Emil. ‘You should know by now that I
hide from no-one and you are no longer a son of mine.’
    ‘No!’ I rushed forward but was quickly
restrained; Andrew had pinned my arms behind my back. A sudden movement caught
my attention and I turned to see Lady Köszegi at the window above us. When she
saw me looking she closed the curtain.
    Emil lunged at his father with a small dagger
he had produced but one crack of the whip had instantly ended his attack. His
shirt was split at the shoulder and I watched the first drops of blood darken
the white cloth. He tried in vain to reach his father but again the whip lashed
him hard, pushing him backwards onto the ground. Emil examined the cross of
blood on his torso with disbelief. Istavan paused briefly to take stock of the
situation, perhaps half-hoping that it was all over, but instead it gave Emil
enough time to rush at his father before he could once again raise the whip.
    Istavan was quicker and before Emil had time to
plunge the knife, he buckled from the force of his father’s fist in his
stomach. Emil doubled over lowering himself to his knees. I watched his failed
attempt to stand up, and he then began to wheeze heavily, his chest rising and
falling too fast for him to take a full breath. Blood trickled from his mouth
where his disease was seeping.
    ‘Stop,’ I shouted. ‘He is sick. You will kill
him.’ But Andrew’s large hand clamped across my mouth stopping any further
protest.
    Emil lay on his side clutching his chest. His lungs
were collapsing and he could not stop coughing. Istavan whipped him again on
his back and Emil did not yelp in pain this time, but his body arched suddenly,
and several convulsions followed. The spasm in his chest seemed to have
subsided and I knew this could only mean that he had barely any air left in his
lungs. Ivan continued with several more lashings and Emil’s clothes now
resembled bloody rags.
    I felt Andrew release me this time and