Lilah by Gemma Liviero

cry out but he put one large hand over my mouth and
nose so that I could barely breathe. I felt pain between my legs such that I
had never known. I cannot say for how long the pushing and thrusting lasted. At
times I refused to take a breath, allowing me to fade in and out of time.
    When he was finished he stood up immediately to
attend to his dress. I turned to face the wall gasping and clutching my lower
abdomen where much of the pain had centered.
    ‘You can have the rest of the night off, unpaid
of course. Make sure you clean yourself up. You don’t want my brother to see
you like this. He will not touch you again if he knows. His piety extends only
to those unsoiled.’
    His thoughts were jumbled, drunk on this rush of
power and violence. I could not help feeling that there was some regret in his
reference to his brother, but whether it was out of fondness for Emil, or what
travesty would likely follow this event, it was difficult to know.
    At some point I fell asleep to wake in
darkness. It was late when Danika returned. When she saw my state, any
resentment towards me changed to pity, and she held a candle above me surveying
my body carefully. She left to return with steaming, soapy water and a cloth
and began to cleanse me.
    ‘That man will burn in hell for what he’s
done.’ And I knew she had seen this before. ‘They take everything else from us.
You would think they could leave our chastity intact.
    ‘I’m sorry I didn’t warn you. But some do it
willingly with Andrew for they think they have a chance with him. I thought
either you were one of those or that with his engagement he might have
changed.’
    She found a clean nightgown and dressed me. I
did not protest but lay back on the cot again while she covered me with a
blanket.
    A short time later, there was a knock at the
door and Emil was quickly by my bedside. My tears had dried but my eyes were
left swollen and red.
    ‘What is wrong with you? Are you sick?’
    I could not look at him, so ashamed I felt.
    When I didn’t answer he questioned Danika. ‘It
is that pig of a brother of yours that done this.’
    ‘Did what?’ Emil looked confused but only for a
moment and there I followed his gaze to my bloody garments in the corner. He
stood up, reddening from his neck to his face with the veins at his temples
threatening to burst. ‘That bastard,’ he said with venom in a voice I had never
heard him use before. This sudden rage made me fearful for him and broke me
from my self-pity and shame.
    ‘Emil, do not do anything to avenge this,’ I
pleaded. ‘It is your sister you need to take care of…’
    Emil turned then. ‘What did you say?’
    I then told him what I had seen in Evie’s room
and I could see the hate mount behind his eyes. He sat down then and instructed
Danika to remain hidden in the wash rooms for the
remainder of the evening to stay safe. She nodded then. I did not know what the
evening held for me but something told me that my time here would come to an
end. I reached my hand towards Danika’s, passing her the little key I had
retrieved from Lady Köszegi’s balcony earlier that day. Danika looked curiously
at the key in her hand. At first she frowned but then we held a gaze and I
hoped that the images in my head were being conveyed. If not, then I believe
that Danika was clever enough to test the key on every locked cabinet, and, if
the situation required it, she would leave this place in better circumstance.
She nodded to Emil and left the room. It was the last time I saw her.
    ‘What will you do?’ I did not like the way his
eyes were frozen and his thoughts hidden to me. It was if something had died
inside of him.
    ‘My sister, Hanna did not die of the fevers as
everyone thought. Four years ago she was found hanging from a rope inside the
stables. I was too preoccupied or perhaps too ignorant to understand what was
going on. Father had seemed to favour her over Arianne who fought with him and
was often beaten for it. I