London Is the Best City in America by Laura Dave

It was just as bad as divorce. It was sometimes considered worse.
    What about now? Today? Did breaking off a commitment hold just as much terror? Even if society didn’t condemn you in quite the same way as it used to, would you end up in a worse position than if—in spite of your doubts—you stuck to your original plan?
    I started walking back up the stairs slowly. Tomorrow was the rehearsal dinner. Less than forty-eight hours from now, the wedding was going to happen. Less than seventy-two hours from now, this would all be over. Meryl and Josh would be on their way to Hawaii and then back to Los Angeles, Berringer would be back in San Francisco, and I would be back in Rhode Island. That would be the end of all of this. No damnation for anyone.
    So why then did I skip the entrance to my own bedroom? Why did I keep on walking, right into Josh’s? I kept the door slightly ajar behind me, sliding slowly down to the floor by the closet. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I could see that he was still lying on top of the covers, his arms over his eyes. I could see that he was now awake. I picked my words very carefully, knowing as I did that he would listen. Even if he didn’t want to. He would listen to me.
    “See, the thing is, Josh,” I said. “I know why you told me about Elizabeth.”
    “Emmy,” he said. “Do we have to do this right now? If I opened my eyes, I’d see seven of you.”
    I pulled my knees closer to my chest. “The reason is that you know I won’t be able to let it go,” I said. “Because, if the situation were reversed, you wouldn’t let it go. Not until you knew I was okay.”
    Against the light coming in from the window, his chest rose up, fell again. I covered my eyes, my head spinning a little also. I wanted to finish this conversation. I wanted this to end, right here, okay.
    “Are you okay?”
    “Not really,” he said.
    I paused, but only for a second. “Do you think you need to see her?” I said. “Is that even possible?”
    “She’s in Pascoag.”
    I wasn’t sure if that was a yes or a no.
    “Pascoag, Rhode Island,” he said. “It’s on the northern tip. The other tip from you.”
    I didn’t say anything. The northern tip was probably an hour from me, somewhere on the other side of Providence. I started doing the math in my head. If she were located north—that would take three hours at the least, probably closer to four. That would take the better part of tomorrow, just driving back and forth.
    “It’s a cool story, where the name Pascoag comes from. See, there’s this cliff to the east of it, and getting over the cliff used to be the only way in to the town. But the problem was that the cliff was completely crawling with these snakes. Really enormous, boalike snakes. And you used to have to ‘pass’ all the snakes. So . . . pass coag.”
    I looked back down, shaking my head. I knew what was coming next, knew why he was telling me that story—knew he knew that I was a sucker for stories—knew even before I was willing to let myself admit that I knew it.
    “It would really help if you would come with me, Emmy,” he said finally.
    “I’m not sure it would really help, Josh.”
    He put his hands over his eyes, already mostly asleep. “It would,” he said.
    I looked back down, my eyes starting to close too. If I were a different person, I could have slept right there. I could have bunched up a sweater under my head and wrapped my arms around myself and just drifted off. And then, maybe tomorrow, it wouldn’t feel so pressing. Josh would submerge—the way he had been submerging—everything that was bubbling to the surface right now, everything he was too scared to be feeling.
    For this reason, more than any other, I willed myself awake.
    “Then,” I said. “That’s what we’ll do.”

part two

The week after Matt and I got engaged, my parents—in a notable act of engagement-present generosity—took us out for dinner and presented us with two plane