Longing by Karen Kingsbury

do now?
    “Talk to me … please, Bailey.”
    Cody’s voice seemed far away. She pictured Brandon, the sincerity in his eyes and smile, the way he loved her with everything in him. Cody had been honest … now it was her turn. “About Brandon … I love him, Cody. I didn’t mean to fall for him. I never imagined it when we were filming
Unlocked.”
She wanted him to understand completely. “Back then you alone had my heart.”
    Her words seemed to hit him like so many knives. “I … believe you.”
    “But since then …” She placed her hand over her heart again. “Brandon and I have gotten very close. I … I can’t imagine breaking up with him.”
    “No.” Cody shook his head. “I’m not asking for that.” His tone was more guarded. “You had a right to move on. I mean, really, Bailey … I want you to be happy.” He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly frustrated with himself. “What did I expect would happen? I’m the one who walked away.”
    “Yes.” There. He had said it. Bailey relaxed a little. Their breakup, the silence between them, the missed communication and losses were his fault. Because he had walked away. “Well … at least we have closure. So I don’t have to wonder forever what happened.”
    “Yeah.” He rubbed his hands together. “And maybe next time you see me you won’t feel like running.”
    “Or maybe I’ll run faster.” She laughed, and the break from their serious talk felt good. Her smile faded. “None of this is easy, Cody. Not for either of us.”
    “I know.” For the first time since he arrived, he seemed to lose the battle with himself, the battle to keep her from knowing not only the truth about the past, but the reality of how he still felt about her. He reached out and gently touched her cheek, brushing a wisp of her hair from her face. “I’m sorry, Bailey.” He looked like he might kiss her, but he kept the space between them. “I guess … I’ll always regret walking away. But I had to tell you why I did it.” His smile didn’t hide his broken heart. “At least I won’t regret that part.”
    They stood and he drew a deep breath as he turned to her. “I don’t want to go.”
    She didn’t want him to leave either. But she couldn’t lead him on, couldn’t let him think her heart was free. “Maybe we can talk sometime … every once in a while.”
    “Hmmm.” He tilted his head, looking still deeper within hersoul. “I never was much good at being your friend.” The kindness in his smile allowed her to see the Cody she knew so well, the one she had loved for so many years. “We’ll see, okay? That’s about as good as I can do for now.”
    “Okay.” She felt the slightest sting, because once again they were saying goodbye. But she understood. “Thanks, Cody. For talking.”
    He didn’t respond, didn’t have to. Instead of saying anything more, he simply took her in his arms and hugged her. This time there was more there, more depth and longing. A longing for something they had both walked away from, something they would never have again.
    As he pulled away he let his cheek brush lightly against hers. “I love you, Bailey.” He whispered the words, and they mixed with the sound of the wind in the barren trees. “I always will.”
    Bailey sucked in a quick breath, hating the way her heart responded to his so easily. Even now when she loved Brandon Paul. She put her hands on his shoulders and looked at him, straight through to his hurting soul. “You’ll always matter to me.”
    If he was wounded by the fact that she didn’t tell him she loved him too, he hid the fact. Instead he allowed a resolute smile and he nodded a few times. “See ya, Bailey.” He started to walk away, his eyes still on hers for a few final seconds.
    “See ya.” She hugged herself tightly and watched him walk away. Long after he climbed in his truck and drove away she sat there, oblivious to the cold all around her. Unable to do anything else, she relived