Lost at School by Ross W. Greene Page B

Emergency Plan B instead? Yes, and Emergency Plan B would have worked out a lot better for Mrs. Woods, Mr. Middleton, Joey, and the other kids in the class. But if Mrs. Woods had previously observed that Joey became confused on assignments and was easily embarrassed in front of his classmates, then Proactive Plan B would have been even better. Will anarchy ensue in Mrs. Woods’ classroom if she doesn’t use Plan A? No, it won’t.
    By the way, there’s another reason to be using Plan B instead of Plan A: If you want to help a kid, you’re going to need a helping relationship to accomplish the mission. Time and time again, research (and practical experience) has shown that the most reliable factor leading people to change—by far—is the relationship they have with the person helping them change. And while you may have thought that helping is the sole domain of professional helpers—medical doctors, mental health professionals, clergy, and the like—educators often find themselves in a position to help kids who are in distress.
    Why would kids need the help of a teacher on nonacademic problems? Because, either in their own eyes or the eyes of others, they are involved in problem situations they are not handling well. What is the goal of the helping relationship? To help kids not only better manage a given problem, but to apply the learning to sorting out other problems and to preventing problems from occurring in the first place. Helping provides kids with tools to become more effective self-helpers and more responsible “agents of change” in their own lives.
    As noted by Dr. Gerard Egan, author of The Skilled Helper: A Problem-Management and Opportunity-Development Approach to Helping, helping is messy. Helping is a working alliance, a two-way collaborative process, and a two-person team effort. Helping is not something that teachers do to kids; rather, it is a process that teachers and kids work through together.
    In trying to forge a helping relationship with a challenging kid, it can be useful to think about the qualities you’d seek in someone you were hoping could help you. Are you seeking someone who cares? Whom you feel you can trust? Who takes the time to listen to you? Who asks the right questions and truly tries to understand your concerns? Who has the wisdom and know-how to help in ways that are effective and durable? Who involves you in the process? Is this the type of relationship you’re forging with the challenging kid you’re trying to help?
    Plan B is a relationship-building process. Plan A pushes kids away.
    Q & A
    Question: Doesn’t helping kids with behavioral challenges take a lot of time?
    Answer: Yes, helping, especially the kind that involves teaching skills and solving problems durably, takes time. But perpetually dealing with kids’ challenges in ways that aren’t working takes much more time. And don’t forget, Proactive Plan B is taking place at opportune moments, not under emergent conditions.
    Question: Like when? Don’t forget, I have twenty-five kids in my class, I’m the only one in there, and I have a bunch of kids who are on special education programs and need my attention.
    Answer: Most teachers find that Proactive Plan B can be done during the times they’re devoting individual attention to other student problems (for instance, academic challenges), such as before school, after school, during recess, or during lunch; whenever they can spare five or ten minutes. I’ve also found that most principals and assistant principals are happy to arrange coverage so that a classroom teacher has the time to do Plan B with a kid. You’ll probably want to devote your initial Plan B efforts to helping the kids whose challenges are most severe and who are disrupting the classroom process the most. Then move on to the rest of the kids who need Plan B. You’re devoting a lot of time to the kids with behavioral challenges already. WhilePlan B takes a little extra time and planning up