Lost Innocence by Susan Lewis

here,’ Alicia whispered, and after waiting for Darcie to ring off she replaced her mobile on the low oak chest that served as a nightstand, and lay back against the pillows.
    Her heart felt so full that it was making her breathing shallow, and her muscles were tense as though to keep the building emotions from breaking through her control. The mornings were always the worst, when she woke up with only the vestiges of a disappearing dream on her mind, until the unbearable realisation that her world had fallen apart tore through her heart. Craig had gone. He wasn’t a part of her life any more, and he never would be again. The reality of it was so harsh that she was still struggling to accept it. As each day passed she seemed to miss him more, not less. Not even the mess he’d left her in, or the betrayal, was freeing her from the grip of her longing. She wanted him back so badly that sometimes the effort of forcing herself into the day was almost beyond her. It was how she’d felt during the days and weeks after she’d found out about his affair, only worse, because this time there really was no going back.
    Putting her hands over her face she tried to stop the memories of that time, but they were already flooding in, filling up her heart, crowding her mind, coming together with a clearer and more insistent reality than the one she was in.
    ‘So where’s the birthday boy?’ Rachel cried, pressing a path along the hall to where Alicia was instructing the caterers in the kitchen. The house and its small garden were crammed to overflowing with their friends and families, all gathered to celebrate Craig’s fortieth birthday.
    ‘He must be outside somewhere,’ Alicia answered, wrapping Rachel, and then her husband Dave, in a welcoming hug. ‘I was starting to give up on you.’
    ‘Not my fault this time,’ Rachel jumped in, before Dave could blame her. ‘I might have had a sick cat on my hands, but hislordship here had to sort out a dispute with one of his tenants. Don’t ask, too boring for words. Just give me a drink, someone, please. I’m gasping.’
    As one of the caterers put a glass of champagne into her hand, Nat came into the kitchen with Annabelle, asking if they could change the music.
    ‘Feel free,’ Alicia told him, ‘but you’ll have to answer to Dad. He created this mix specially for today.’
    ‘Where is he?’ Dave asked. ‘We have to toast him. We’ve left his present in the hall with the others.’
    ‘Great,’ Alicia replied, nodding to a waiter to start taking round another tray of canapés. ‘Could you open more bottles,’ she said to someone else. ‘Oh yes, and you wanted extra glasses. They’re in a box over there. Nat, darling, could you pass … Excellent, thank you,’ she said, as Nat hefted the box on to the table.
    ‘Do I get a glass now?’ Nat pleaded. ‘Dad said I could today.’
    ‘For the toast,’ Alicia reminded him.
    ‘I’m nearly fifteen , for God’s sake,’ Nat protested.
    ‘No way,’ Rachel cried. ‘Let me get a look at you behind all that hair.’
    Laughing, Nat backed away, he didn’t allow anyone to touch his fringe, and gesturing to Annabelle, his adoring slave, he made good his escape into the sitting room.
    ‘Teenage spots on the forehead,’ Alicia muttered when he was out of earshot.
    ‘Oh,’ Rachel responded knowingly.
    ‘So did you bring in your bags?’ Alicia wanted to know. ‘You’re in the guest room. Mum’s in with Darcie, on the futon, and Robert and Sabrina are going to sleep on the sofa bed in the den.’
    ‘We’ll bring them in later,’ Rachel answered, ‘there are so many people we haven’t seen for ages and I’m dying to say hello. How many did you invite in the end?’
    ‘Eighty, would you believe? Go on through. You’ll find Craig out there somewhere. I’ll come and find you in a minute.’
    After Rachel and Dave had melded into the throng, Alicia turned towards the downstairs loo, so desperate to go she was