Love In Alaska (The Love In 50 States Series Book 2) by Shelby Gates Page B

him to know that no matter what I did going forward, it had nothing to do with what had happened between us. In fact, I was now worried that nothing would live up to my time with him. What if I finished my journey and I came looking for him and he was gone? Or with someone else?
    But I didn't tell him any of that.
    I took a deep breath, trying to draw air into my constricting lungs. “Yeah,” I managed to say. “Let's see.”

THIRTEEN
     
     
    We made it back into the fishing village just before dinner time. Evan grabbed some sandwiches from a small deli and we wolfed them down. I took the opportunity to use the bathroom inside and I'd never been happier to see a porcelain bowl with a flushing handle. We walked to the dock and Evan gassed up the seaplane. Before I knew it, we were airborne, heading back to Anchorage. I was grateful for the headset and the whirring of the plane's engine; it offered a good excuse to avoid talking.
    It had been awkward after our conversation. We tried to talk, to find that friendly banter again, but it was gone, as if the rains had somehow washed it away. I was angry at myself for not being able to find it. I wanted to hold his hand as we walked the remainder of the trail, but he seemed distant and I felt like it was my fault, so I kept my hands to myself. As we loaded up the airplane, all I could think was that I was never going to see him again and that had me second-guessing myself.
    Again.
    We landed in Anchorage and he drove me back to the hotel in silence. He pulled the truck into the lot and cut the engine. His hands stayed on the steering wheel, his gaze locked on the windshield.
    “Come up with me,” I said. He started to protest but I said, “I don't want to say goodbye in the stupid parking lot.”
    He hesitated, then nodded. “Alright.”
    We took the elevator up to my room and I threw my bag on the bed on the far side of the room.
    I looked at him. “This sucks.”
    He looked around. “Room seems fine to me.”
    “You know what I mean.”
    He sat down on the edge of the bed. “Yeah. It sucks.”
    “I feel like we lost a day today,” I said. “Because things got weird.”
    “I got weird,” he said. “Wasn't your fault.”
    “You just said what I was thinking,” I said. “I just didn't have the guts to bring it up. The whole directness thing.” I offered a half-smile.
    He looked up at me. “So stay then. Stay for like a month. Travel with me. The other states will still be there. Let me see if I can keep my walls at bay.” His eyes bore into me. “Stay.”
    I looked away. This wasn't supposed to be happening. I'd toughened myself up after Alabama, been more skeptical, determined to stick to the plan. I sure has as hell hadn't planned on spending three days with a guy I didn't want to leave.
    “I'd still have to leave at some point,” I pointed out. “Even in a month, I'd leave.”
    “Maybe you wouldn't.”
    “I would,” I said firmly. “And it has nothing to do with you. I swear. This trip is all about me.” I shook my head. “I can't explain it all.”
    “Try.”
    I sighed and sat down next to him. I stared at the floor for a long time, finding the patterns in the hotel room's carpet.
    “Brian,” I finally said. “My ex-husband. He was the only guy I ever dated. I was literally with him my entire adult life. And somewhere in there, I lost me. Or maybe I didn't get to be me, I don't know. But the person I thought I was gonna be never happened. And ever since the divorce, I kept thinking she was going to show up. But she hasn't.” I paused. “I need to find her. And this is my way of doing it. Probably doesn't make much sense, but I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to get sidetracked, no matter what came along. No matter who came along. Because I don't want to get stuck again.” I smiled. “I came here with no expectations and you've now blown them out of the water. But you know how you said you couldn't promise that those walls