Love Scars

Love Scars by Lark Lane Page B

Book: Love Scars by Lark Lane Read Free Book Online
Authors: Lark Lane
search for missed crap. We worked in silence, moving toward the garden path.
    After a few minutes she said, “Do you ever regret not going to Stanford?”
    “What? Where did that come from?”
    Lisa was the only one who knew about Stanford. Not that I wanted it to be some big secret. I just never talked about it, and as the years went by it had become just another piece of trivia about my life: I was once accepted to Stanford University.
    “What you said about Stacey’s SATs got me thinking. I wondered if you regretted giving it up for her.”
    I’d been thrilled when the email came the first of April my senior year, and when the official letter arrived later with the information packet, my mom framed it. She was even more excited than I was.
    “I don’t regret keeping Stacey out of foster care,” I said. “That’s what would have happened if I’d gone.”
    “She’s been lucky to have you,” Lisa said. “You gave up more than Stanford for her.”
    “She doesn’t know about that,” I said. “And I don’t want her to. It was my choice. I do regret getting rid of the acceptance letter. It would be nice to have it now, proof that I made the cut.”
    “Why don’t you have it?”
    “Remember when I swore off sex and purged all my stuff?”
    “After the shower creep. Of course I remember,” Lisa said. “We had that big bonfire when I moved in.”
    “I threw the letter out in the purge,” I said. “I took it out of the frame, and it went into the fire. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
    We finished cleaning the path to the gardens, finding only a couple beer bottles and plastic cups in the driftwood. The veggies were already put to rights. Lisa had taken care of that yesterday. The topiary bunny was gone, but the alpacas were basically upright and stable, and the ivy was more or less evenly redistributed.
    The fountain in the flower garden was running, and I squatted down behind the iron fairy to switch the water off. I thought of the rose left with the fairy, and again J.D.’s voice came to me: You’re an American Beauty .
    Gah! I sat down on the bench. I had to stop feeling sad every time I thought of him. In fact, I had to stop thinking about him. He made it clear he wasn’t interested in me. Why torture myself wanting something that was never going to happen?
    Lisa dropped her garbage bag next to the bench and sat down. “I talked to my manager at work last night,” she said. “I can get you and Stacey both on at the restaurant.”
    “Oh, god.” My stomach turned at the thought.
    “What? It’ll be fun. We can give Stacey a hard time while we both keep an eye on her.”
    “I don’t know…” Lisa’s restaurant was always busy from the minute they opened their doors.
    “You would never work at night because of Stacey. Fine and good—but she’s done. Baked and browned, out of the oven. You did a good job, Nor. Now you’re free.”
    “It’s not that,” I said. “The truth is I don’t think I can handle the people and the noise.”
    “I didn’t think about that,” Lisa said.
    “I should have majored in accounting,” I said. “Something where I could work walled off in some cubicle away from people. Why did I pick humanities? What was I thinking?”
    “You were looking for the big answers.”
    “There are no big answers. And now I have an unmarketable degree, unless I go on for a PhD and try to get a teaching job.” 
    “We’ll have two doctors in the house,” Lisa said. “Dr. Frank, and Dr. Nora.”
    “And neither of us real doctors,” I said. 
    “Yikes! Don’t ever say that to Frank.” Lisa grinned. “He hates it when people find out he’s a vet and they say Oh, then you’re not a real doctor. ”
    “It must be irritating, after all that work.”
    “A lot of things irritate Frank,” Lisa said. “So you’re still going to do the internship?”
    “I’ll decide for sure after I talk to Steve,” I said, “but I think I have to try. It’s not only

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