Luck of the Bodkins by P. G. Wodehouse Page A

seemed to detect a certain disapproval, as if the other did not like his looks. And the thought of anyone not liking his looks, at a moment when he had just become reconciled to Gertrude Butterwick, cut Monty like a knife.
    He resolved to address himself to the task of removing this disapproval, of making Albert Peasemarch all smiles, of showing Albert Peasemarch, in fine, that if by some unfortunate chance he, Monty, had happened to fall short in any way of his, Albert's, standard of physical beauty, the inner, essential Bodkin was well up to sample.
    'Not strictly handsome in the classical style,' Albert would go back and tell his mates, though goodness knew he had no claim to set himself up as a critic, 'but a very pleasant young gentleman. Nothing stand-offish about him. No haughtiness. A most entertaining conversationalist' - or however bedroom stewards put it when they wanted to say 'entertaining conversationalist'.
    With this end in view, he let loose a gay and ringing 'Good evening.'
    'Good evening, sir,' said Albert Peasemarch coldly.
    Monty's impression that the man disapproved of him deepened. The fellow's manner was unquestionably austere. It was his first ocean voyage, so he had no means of estimating from past experience what was the average mean or norm of geniality in stewards, but surely, he felt, he was entitled to expect more chumminess.
    He took a line through butlers. If he had arrived on a visit at a country house and had found the butler as unresponsive as this, he would have had serious misgivings that the man must have overheard his host saying derogatory things about him at the dinner-table. He could not help feeling that in some way, for some reason, Albert Peasemarch was prejudiced against him.
    Still, he had determined upon being an entertaining conversationalist, and an entertaining conversationalist he would be.
    'Good evening,' he said again. 'You, I take it, reading from right to left, would be the steward of this state-room, what?'
    'Of this and the adjoining ones, sir. ’
    'Bustling about, I perceive. Earning the weekly envelope with honest toil.' 'I have been arranging your effects, sir.' ‘ Good.'
    'I have just laid out your razors, razor-strop, toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouth-wash, sponge, sponge-bag, and shaving-brush in the bathroom, sir.'
    'Stout fellow. I mean,' said Monty, feeling that in the circumstances the phrase had a certain tactlessness and laid itself open to misconstruction, 'thanks.'
    ‘ Not at all, sir.'
    There was a pause. The sunlight had not yet come into the steward's eyes. In fact, in the matter of sunniness, he seemed to have gone back a bit, if anything. However, Monty persevered.
    'Lots of people on board. ’
    ‘ Yes, sir.'
    'And a lot more have come on here, I suppose?' 'Yes, sir.'
    'Going to have a nice voyage, I shouldn't wonder.' 'Yes, sir. ’
    'If it keeps calm, of course.' 'Yes, sir.' 'Fine boat. ’ 'Yes, sir. ’
    'Pretty different from the old days, what? I mean, a ship like this would have made Columbus open his eyes a trifle.'
    'Yes, sir,' said Albert Peasemarch, still with that same odd reserve.
    Monty gave it up. He had shot his bolt. It was too dashed absurd, he considered, to stand here trying to suck up to a bally steward who declined to expand and be matey, when he might be out in God's air, taking Gertrude for a spin round the deck. Besides, he felt, for the Bodkins, though amiability itself if you met them half-way, had their pride, what the hell! If this chap didn't appreciate him, he meant to say, there were plenty who did. A little stiffly, he turned to the door, to be checked as his fingers touched the handle by a grave cough.
    'Excuse me, sir, ’ 'Eh?'
    'You shouldn't have done it, sir, you shouldn't, really.'
    Monty was amazed to note that this Peasemarch was now regarding him with quiet reproach. The spectacle stunned him. To aloofness he had become inured, but why was Pease-march reproachful?
    'Eh?' he said again. There are some