Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie by Jeff Norton Page A

it’s too late.’
    ‘You’re such a downer tonight, Adam,’ Nesto said. ‘I’m having the time of my life. No parents, great food and plenty of room to let my chupa run loose. And … I’m in love.’
    ‘Listen Hansel and Gretel,’ I said. ‘Unless you want to be turned into doughnuts for these cannibalistic Canadians to munch on, we’ve got to bust out of here. Pronto!’
    Nesto tilted his head, looking very confused.
    Corina filled him in. ‘This camp is fattening us so that we can be eaten.’
    ‘Well that’s just rude,’ Nesto said.
    Corina looked around at the happy campers and asked solemnly, ‘How are we going to get everyone out?’
    ‘I have no idea,’ I confessed. ‘But we have to try.’

18
In Which We Take to the Sea (Well, the Lake)
    After the campfire, the leaders shuffled us off to our tents. I looked at each of them with suspicion but did my best not to make my scorn obvious. I didn’t want to arouse any unwanted attention.
    Nesto snuck off for his moose meetup, which I told him would have to be a goodbye, and I found myself alone in the tent, thinking and worrying:
    How were we going to escape?
    What insects were in here with me?
    How could an entire country become cannibals?
    And even if we did escape the camp’s perimeter, where would we go?
    I heard a scratching on the tent. Oh great , I thought, the weremoose has come calling.
    But it wasn’t an animal. It was a vampire. ‘Zom-boy, you still up?’
    I crept out of my sleeping bag, unzipped the tent and crawled out into the starlit field.
    ‘Nice ninjamas,’ she said.
    ‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘They’re from the upcoming movie, not the comic book, but I think they capture the essence of—’
    ‘You don’t know when I’m kidding, do you?’
    Maybe I didn’t, but at least I was wearing one of a limited edition of only one thousand pairs of NinjaMan: The Movie pyjamas and Corina was stuck in her traditional black vampire nightgown.
    ‘At least I’m not dressed for Prom of the Dead,’ I said.
    ‘Touché,’ she said. ‘This is my great-great-grandmother’s coffin gown and mother made me promise to wear it at camp.’
    Suddenly, Corina threw her arms around me. But I knew better than to expect a hug or other display of affection. She gripped me tight and rose up into the air.
    Her coffin gown flowed in the breeze of the night sky and, looking down, I spotted the rows of tents assembled near the treeline. I took in the lay of the land. The campfire area was down to the right, nestledagainst the eastern shore of the lake. The mess hall was inland, near the baseball diamond, and I followed my finger to trace where the barn would be in the woods to the north. Behind the barn was another clearing where half a dozen cabins sat. I supposed that was where the counsellors slept. The camp was penned in on three sides by the razor-wire fence, and to the west by the lake’s shore. There was only one gated road in and out. Since we couldn’t guarantee that everyone could swim across, and I didn’t think we could risk outing Corina as a flying vampire, we’d have to flee under the fence.
    Corina flew us over to the top of a pine tree and I sat myself on a branch.
    ‘Let’s try not to kill any drug dealers this time,’ I said. *
    She laughed. ‘So what’s your plan, Stan?’
    ‘Who’s Stan?’ I wondered. ‘Is he a camper? Someone you’re interested in?’
    ‘Forget about it,’ she said. ‘Listen, I just wanted to say sorry for being so grumpy. I meant what I said tothat old witch Mrs Lebkuchen – it’s really hard keeping the hunger at bay. At least up here I can’t smell the campers’ blood. It’s not so bad.’
    But there was something I could smell. Something familiar, something delicious.
    I took a big sniff and smelled doughnuts – freshly made. Somewhere on the dark horizon a doughnut factory was turning plumped-up campers into tasty treats.
    ‘We have to get out of here, tonight,’ I said. ‘Get help, call