Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie by Jeff Norton Page B

the authorities and then get everyone to safety.’
    ‘Maybe he can dig us out,’ she said, spotting Ernesto down below at the fence.
    Just then I heard a bullhorn sound. A moose call. ‘If we can pull him away from his chupa-crush,’ I joked.
    Corina put her arms around me and we floated down towards the treeline. She hovered us along the edge of the field, about twenty feet up in the air. A howling hiss filled the air – Ernesto’s love call. I pointed to the bush below.
    ‘Down there,’ I said.
    We landed softly on a floor of pine needles and found chupa Nesto on his hind claws, rubbing noses through the chain-link fence with an enormous moose.
    Corina cleared her throat. ‘Well, isn’t this sweet?’
    ‘Is that her?’ I asked.
    The moose turned to me and in a perfectly normal, though I would say slightly snarky, voice said, ‘Of course it’s her. And yes, it is sweet. Nesty’s said a lot of nice things about you two, but never mentioned you were both masters of the completely obvious.’
    Corina and I looked at each other. That moose really put us in our place.
    Nesto turned around and shrugged. ‘We are kind of having a moment here guys, do you mind?’
    ‘Nesto,’ I interrupted. ‘Can you dig us out of this camp? There’s a fence all around the perimeter … we’re trapped!’
    ‘Is he always so demanding?’ demanded the moose.
    ‘More like needy,’ said Nesto. ‘And he wants to escape from camp.’
    ‘Homesick, eh?’ asked Melissa.
    ‘I’m not needy and I’m not homesick,’ I said. ‘But we need to get out of Camp Cannibal before it’s too late. Ernesto, please, can you dig us out?’
    Melissa the moose pressed her head into the chain-link fence. It rattled all the way along into the darkness. ‘Do you think Nesty and I’d be playing nosey-nose at the fence if he could?’
    ‘Good point,’ I said. This moose had a lot of sass, but she also talked a lot of sense.
    Nesto clawed at the ground. ‘It’s all concrete under there,’ he said. ‘And the top of the fence is electric. Believe me, I tried.’
    ‘Then we’ll go across the lake,’ I suggested. ‘I spotted a canoe down there during the BBQ today. That’s how we’ll slip away.’
    Melissa the moose bellowed softly. ‘These woods are vast, but my herd knows them well. I can meet you on the other side of the lake, guide you through the forest to the nearest town.’
    We went back to our tents and changed out of our PJs into more escape-from-crazy-cannibal-camp attire, which for me included a backpack of essentials (slow releasing energy snacks, first-aid kit, Sani-Gel) and a warm hoodie.
    We slipped through the trees and found an overturned canoe and two paddles. I turned the canoe upright and, with Nesto’s help, silently launched it into the water. Corina supervised.
    I did my best to inspect it for spiders or any flesh-hungry insects, but Corina insisted that we deal with any creatures en route. She was right, it was only afew hours until sunup, and we needed to put as much distance between us and the camp as possible. I was convinced they’d come looking for us. I don’t think Camp Nowannakidda would want their ingredients to escape.
    As quietly as possible, Nesto and I paddled the canoe across the still lake until we beached on the soft sand of the western shore. I looked back to the waterfront of the camp and promised Amanda, ‘I’ll come back for you, sis.’
    * The last time I was up in a tree with Corina, she pushed me off and I crushed the town drug dealer. Corina turned him into a vampire to stop him from being my murder victim. She was that kind of friend.

19
In Which We Get Our Moose On
    Standing on the beach, I heard a whisper on the wind.
    ‘Nesty and freaky friends, over here.’
    I scanned the darkness beyond the beach, expecting a moose to nudge its huge head out of the woods. But instead, a girl with auburn hair, wearing a plaid dress, skipped onto the sand and gave Ernesto a moose-sized hug.