Men-of-Action-Seres-04 -Saints and Sinners by Capri Montgomery Page B

survived that.
    Despite the fireman’s words, they had found remains—they had found her father’s remains—all that was left of him, all that was left of her heart, and her world.
    “If I hadn’t forgotten my bag I would have been in that car. I should have died that day, and for a long time after that I wished I had.” Sometimes, at night, she still held on to that wish. “You ask me if I could imagine anything worse than being told a parent is dead; I can. Watching one die, knowing you should have died with them…It’s a hell I wouldn’t wish on anybody.”

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    She prepared a plate for one, stacking the orzo with the chicken and crème sauce she had made.
    “You got lucky,” he said in a steady voice. She could tell he was trying, in his own way, to comfort her.
    “No, I didn’t.” There was nothing lucky about the life she lived since her father’s death. Being with a mother who hated her, losing a lover, living with guilt and pain, and sorrow. This wasn’t lucky. This was hell. This was a long journey through hell and she wanted out. She wanted to stop being death to all those she loved. She wanted to be happy, to be loved, to be free.
    She sat the plate in front of him. “I’m not very hungry anymore. If you don’t mind I think I’m just going to go to bed early.” Early was an understatement. They had made it home by four o’clock; it was now six.
    “Alaina…”
    “I’ll see you in the morning, Sully. Don’t worry about the dishes, just sit them in the sink and I’ll get them in the morning.” She left him there, to his dinner. Normally she hated having dishes in the sink for hours on end, but she really wasn’t in the mood to function around company right now. Right now she just needed to be alone.
    Fortunately, Sully hadn’t protested her departure. She would have gone anyway, but arguing with him wasn’t something she had the strength to do right at that moment. By two that morning she was awake, lying in bed looking up at the ceiling in the darkness that enveloped her room. She couldn’t stay there forever; she knew that. She pulled herself from the Capri Montgomery 89
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    comfort of her bed and prepared herself for a hard workout before going downstairs to clean the kitchen. She was surprised to find the kitchen had already been cleaned. The dishes had already been dried and replaced in the cabinet the way she had them before she used them. He was obviously a very observant man.
    His light was still out, which meant he was still sleep she gathered.
    She went back to her room, worked out, showered, did her hair and contemplated working on her art. She didn’t feel much like working at all.
    She also didn’t feel much like going downstairs and seeing Sully.
    “Cleaning,” she said. She didn’t have much to clean, but it would keep her busy. After spending most of the day changing linen, bleaching the bathroom, and rearranging her closet, she needed another shower, so she took one.
    She had avoided the downstairs region all day, and Sully hadn’t come up. She was sure he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, so she didn’t worry about being a poor hostess. There was still one last thing she wanted to do before calling it a night. She pulled out a storage crate from her closet. Inside were her memories of her dad. Pictures of him with her, pictures she had taken of him with her first camera, pictures she had drawn for him, everything her mother had hid away and she had found throughout the years was in that crate now.
    These pictures helped her remember him. For awhile, after he died, the memory of him was so strong. She could remember the smell of the soap he used—Irish Spring. She could remember the sound of his voice Saints and Sinners 90
    when he laughed, the sound when he was disciplining her for not paying attention in her math classes, the sound when he tried to comfort her after her mother called her names that hurt her. She could