Missing Pieces of My Forever-Heart by Janet Grosshandler Page B

admitted.  “Come here, I want to show you something.” I took him into my office and showed him the adoption registry site I was on.
     
    “You’re doing it?  You’re onboard with this? Cath, this is great!”  He picked me up, swung me around and started kissing me all over my face.
     
    “Stop! We still have too much to talk about.  I need to ask you some questions.”
     
    He sobered up immediately.  “That sounds serious.”
     
    “It is serious. Just come on into the kitchen, please.”
     
    I made tea for both of us, calming herbal tea because this conversation might get heated.
     
    “If I know you, Cath, you spent all day thinking of all the things that could go wrong instead of what possibly could work out amazingly well.”
     
    “Yeah well, I know you are the glass half-full person and I’m the glass half-empty person.  What I did was spend the afternoon with my girls, worrying about how finding out their mother gave up a baby for adoption would affect them and our relationship.  I don’t want them to hate me or be disillusioned that I’m not the person they thought I was.
     
    And Jame, you have no consequences if we find Michael, no one else who is deeply connected to you that this might change everything for!  My girls and I are inseparable.  After Sam died, we were each other’s lifelines.  What will this do to all that?”
     
    “I don’t have an answers, Cath.  Your girls seem really well adjusted thanks to you I’m sure.  What if they liked the idea and love having an older brother?”
     
    “I don’t know.  I’m so worried and afraid this will ruin lives instead of your rosy future of wow, this will be great! What it comes down to is that this is all centered around you. Again. You, you, you.  That’s what our relationship has always been about, Jame- YOU! You want this.  You’re doing that no matter how it affects anyone else.  Full steam ahead and screw anyone who stands in your way.”
     
    “Are you trying to get me mad, Cath?  It’s working. You know how to push my buttons.”
     
    “There it is again.  This is not about my worries or my daughters; it’s about you getting mad because someone might be throwing roadblocks in your path.  You’re a steamroller, Jame, flattening anyone and anything in your way.”
     
    “So is that a bad way to be? It’s gotten me to where I am so far in my life.”
     
    “Yeah, crying to me because you have no one and you’re so empty and doing this will help YOU.  Not maybe Michael, not my daughters, not me.”
     
    “And there YOU go again with all your gloom and doom, Cath.  What if Michael has been searching for us because we are his missing link to who he is?  What if Erin and Kaitlin are thrilled to have someone else in their family that helps make up for their Dad not being here? What if, Cath?”
     
    I sat there thinking and taking deep breaths for a long time.  Jame sat calmly and watched me.
     
    “I think we’re both right.  We each have our perspectives and we’ll just have to deal with them.  But should I tell my girls now? What about my family? My cousins?  Oh God, it’s overwhelming.”
     
    “It doesn’t have to be overwhelming, Cath.  We’re gonna do it together.  You’re not alone in this.  We can tell the girls later on if we ever find him and connect with him.”
     
    “That’s another thing- the ‘we’ stuff.  I don’t think we should be a ‘we’ like you seem to want. Sex always ruins our relationship. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.  That you’re using me like you did in high school and then when you get what you want and you’re ready to move on, it’s goodbye Cath again.  I couldn’t go through that again.  You’ve taken too many pieces out of my heart, Jame. It’s too beat up and scarred to go through that again.”
     
    “First, for the record, I didn’t use you in high school.  I loved you.  I was a selfish kid at times, I agree. And yeah, the