More Than a Game by Kate Goldman

staring at the open doorway to her office. It seemed like it was so far away from her. Her legs felt like rubber as she stood and began to move in what felt like slow motion. She willed herself to keep walking. Why was he here? Why now? Just when she had decided to give up, he came by to see her. It was all too much. Outside the entrance to the lobby, she paused, taking a deep breath and steeling herself. Then, she walked into the room and looked at him.
     
    “Shane,” she said, as if addressing a stranger, which felt quite a bit like what he had become lately.
     
    “I’m sorry to bother you at work, Leslie. I know I should have called, but I was afraid you wouldn’t see me. Is there somewhere we can talk?” he asked.
     
    “Sure. Come to my office with me,” she told him.
     
    He followed her quietly down the hall and into her office, waiting for her to close the door before speaking. She wasn’t sure she was prepared for whatever he had to say. It hadn’t escaped her observation that he looked gaunt and carried himself differently, a sign that he had given in to the negativity and perhaps depression. No doubt he had been lonely in these last days, but wasn’t that his own fault?
     
    “Have a seat, Shane,” she said, walking around her desk and sitting to face him as she would someone in for a consultation rather than anything more personal.
     
    “I know you must be angry with me,” he began. Leslie said nothing for a moment, unsure of what she was even supposed to say to that.
     
    “I’m not angry, Shane. I’m just disappointed,” she told him.
     
    “I know. I can’t blame you for that. You start out with a shining star and you’re left with a half-extinguished candle,” he said.
     
    “Is that what you think of me, Shane? Did I turn away when all of this began to happen? Did I not message you for several days before deciding you didn’t want to talk to me? You are the one that gave up, not me. I was still there.”
     
    “I just couldn’t cope for a while, Leslie. I wanted to call you, ask you to come over. I wanted to hold you and listen to you tell me it would all be okay, but it’s not okay. It’s all gone to the dogs. My career is over. I’m being prosecuted. I may even be deported before all is said and done. I have nothing to offer you anymore.”
     
    “All I wanted was you. You took away the one thing I looked forward to every day. No matter what has happened, it doesn’t change that I had feelings for you and you didn’t have enough for me to even try.”
     
    “That isn’t true, Leslie. I just didn’t know what to do. You’ve no idea what a dark spiral it has been for me this week.”
     
    “I’m sorry for that, but you didn’t give me an opportunity to help you through it. You cut me out during a time that should have brought us closer. Is that what I have to look forward to if I continue pursuing a relationship with you? Are you going to always just shut me out when things don’t go the right way?”
     
    “No. I’m here now, Leslie. I’m here now, aren’t I?”
     
    “Yes, but why? Why are you here?”
     
    “I missed you. I thought I could just get on with things and not drag you into all of this, but I missed you too much to just walk away.”
     
    “What do you want from me? I don’t understand how you expect me to act if you can’t talk to me.”
     
    “I can talk to you. I know I can. I just felt so overwhelmed. I let it get the best of me,” he said, standing up and leaning over her desk so that his face was only inches from hers.
     
    “So, what am I supposed to do?” she asked, barely able to breathe with him so close to her.
     
    “Forgive me. Just try and forgive how I’ve acted this week and know that it isn’t the usual me. I need you in a way that I’ve never needed anyone in my life. Just give me a chance to make it up to you.”
     
    A dark thought occurred to Leslie and she tried not to let it fester, but it was there and she