My Body-Mine by Blakely Bennett

challenging my trust in you. How do I know what’s true anymore?”
    “ Always know that my actions are motivated by your best interests.”
    “ You don’t get to decide that, Lu—I mean Marcello. Fuck!”
    “ Jaaaane ,” he said, stretching my name out in frustration, like a kettle about to whistle and steam. Inhaling deeply, he struggled to maintain control.
    He hated other people cursing, although he wasn’t above it himself. He and my mother had that in common. Sometimes the words just shot out of me without warning. Almost saying Luke’s name hadn’t helped matters.
    Watching him take another swallow of Scotch, I decided it might help me as well. Taking the half-filled glass from his hand, I downed the remainder. It scorched my throat and warmed me. My legs felt weak.
    He took the empty glass from my hand and placed it on the table. “I promise that from this moment on, I will be completely honest with you.” He gave each word equal weight. Then he rose and stepped over to the hutch, refilling his tumbler. Shifting to face me, he continued, “I stand firm that your unwillingness to break ties with Luke is keeping you from truly moving forward. From truly healing.”
    “ Wait—” I said.
    A thrust of his palm cut me off. “However, I have to assume from your behavior that it’s not done. That leaves me far more concerned than the possibility of what any mere boy might bring to the table.” Keeping an arm’s length distance between us , he sat on the couch and took another pull of the liquor.
    “ You don’t get it,” I said. “I don’t have any desire to see Luke again. I just wanted to see the house. I expected it to be occupied by different people, not by all our furniture and belongings.” I really wanted the conversation to be over, but I still had questions. “And Janice? Did you talk to her? Resolve anything? Do you know what she thinks about you and us?”
    “ No, and yes.”
    “ You can’t keep shutting me out. I did what you recommended and talked with her. What’s going on with you is affecting my relationship with her and the comfort level in this house.”
    “ I realize that, but the situation isn’t easily remedied.”
    “ Well, it might help if I understood the situation. What is going on? Is she right about your feelings for me?”
    Staring into his glass, he said, “It’s not uncommon when a Dom brings a new sub into the house that she tends to get more attention for a while.”
    “ You’re going to speak to me in generalities?”
    “ What is it you want to hear?” He kept his eyes on the bottom of the glass.
    “ The truth would be good.” But as the words came out I wished I could take them back.
    “ I’m in love with you.” He sighed and sank back against the couch.
    His answer, although not unexpected, knocked the wind out of me. “And obsessed?” I heard myself say, my voice nearly inaudible.
    “ A bit.”
    “ And Janice?”
    “ I love her but it’s different. And right now—”
    “ So she was right then.”
    “ Yes.”
    “ What do you plan to do?” I felt anger and confusion in equal measure.
    Marcello placed his glass on the end table next to him and said, “This is one of those situations that just takes time.”
    “ Janice didn’t sound particularly patient,” I said.
    “ She’ll be visiting one of my good friends next weekend.”
    “ That’s the solution?”
    “ The immediate one, yes.”
    The silence stretched between us. I felt pain in my heart. I knew very well how it felt to love someone more than they loved you. I had loved Luke more than he loved me, more than I even loved myself, and it had cost us both way too much. And now somehow I’d become the withholder, sandwiched between Janice and Marcello’s relationship.
    Marcello loved me? I still couldn’t wrap my mind around that. It left me to wonder if his love stemmed from my refusal—or my inability—to surrender. A man like Marcello wasn’t used to being denied. I knew I