Nick and Lilac by Marian Tee

forehead, fingers twining with hers. “Sweetheart, please.” Nick’s voice was taut with worry. “Whatever it is---stop thinking about it. I’m here now. I won’t fucking let anyone harm you.”
    His breath swooshed out in relief when he felt Lilac’s fingers slowly tighten around his. Turning to face her fully, he gently cupped her chin, making her look up. Silently cursing at the way she couldn’t seem to make herself look at him, Nick said roughly, “I’m so sorry.” And he was, feeling like a goddamn tyrant, punishing Lilac for smiling at another man.
    More silence passed, and just when Nick was about to lose hope, Lilac whispered, “Was it...because of…what I said?”
    He didn’t pretend to misunderstand what she was asking, answering unevenly, “Right now…she could go to hell for all I cared.”
    Lilac’s words came out broken. “ Then why…were you…mad?”
    This time, he made her look at him. “Because you seem to like that guy and I know he fucking likes you already.” His tone hardened. “Do you, Lilac? Do you fucking like him?”
    She shook her head.
    It didn’t ease his jealousy one fucking bit. “But you were smiling at him.” Nick tried to keep the snarl out of his voice but failed. All at once, everything came back, the jealousy and possessiveness that had frozen him earlier. “You were smiling at him like you never smiled at me before.”
    Nick was furious – there wasn’t any doubt about it. But more than that, Lilac heard the betrayal he was doing his best to hide. Nick’s pain called out to her, made Lilac throw off the cage of her own pain because she couldn’t bear to hear someone this beautiful and proud to feel… rejected .
    She looked at Nick, her hand moving involuntarily to touch his face. She was so afraid to stutter, but she made herself speak because she needed him to stop hurting. “Sor…ry.”
    He laughed hoarsely. “I’m the one who’s hurt you.”
    “Hurt you…too.” She shook her head. “Sor…ry.” She stopped, her pale violet eyes seeking his uncertainly.
    When Lilac started to draw her hand back, as if she had just realized she was touching him without invitation, he caught her hand and kissed her palm.
    She stilled.
    He kissed her palm again. Closing his eyes, savoring the softness of her palm against his lips, Nick said hoarsely, “Don’t smile at another guy like that, Lilac.” Just saying the words brought the memories back, but this time Nick didn’t let it beat him, didn’t let the past ruin his present.
    Karla…was gone.
    Lilac…was here.
    He had to start remembering that.
    He opened his eyes, and this time he didn’t let go of her gaze. “I know we’re just fucking friends but it doesn’t matter . If you smile for me alone, I’ll…” Nick laughed mirthlessly. “I’ll fucking reserve all my smiles for you if that’s what you want.”
    The words wrapped around her like a gentle and warm embrace, and Lilac blinked furiously as tears pricked her eyes.
    Nick Christakos wanted to smile for her alone.
    It was everything she hoped for, everything she didn’t dare dream – everything she had reason to fear.
    “Just smile for me, sweetheart. Just me – and I fucking promise you, my lips will only move for you.”
    Oh, the tears stung, and oh God, how her throat hurt. Lilac wished she had the words to tell him that it gutted her, too. What they had – this friendship that wasn’t really a friendship – oh, how it fucking gutted her. So much that she was frightened by it.
    But she couldn’t speak like Nick did. She couldn’t speak like everyone did, and even as Lilac hated herself for it, she was already trying to do the next best thing, reaching for his hand, twining her fingers with his and then squeezing. Nick slowly squeezed back, and her heart squeezed alongside it.
    The intangible presence of old hurts weighed heavily in the air, and she tried to lighten the mood, wanting Nick’s smile…like he had promised her.