No Easy Choices (A New Adult Romance) by Trista Cade

accountant. Nothing. If it was possible, I might have actually felt less than nothing, since the lack of any kind of romantic feeling had been replaced by a supreme feeling of guilt for not feeling anything. This is me, overthinking it again. Maybe this is what Mom had meant when she said that love had to be planted from a tiny seed and nurtured carefully. That kiss could have been only the tiniest of seeds, and I could try really hard to make it become something more. I could give Jackson a fair chance and see if love isn’t something like the movies made it out to be, that it’s really a long-term, ongoing project.
                  Did I seriously just compare love to a home improvement project? Or a long-haul stock portfolio? Was it happening already? One kiss from a would-be accountant, and I was infected with sensible thoughts of building a respectful relationship based on nurturing one’s feelings until they grew into something more?
                  I was going to have to do better than that. More effort, Andie, more enthusiasm for a nice, normal guy. You can do this.
                  And maybe I could have, if I hadn’t walked up the steps to find Javier sitting in one of the chairs. My heart dropped like I was on a roller coaster, only to come back up in my chest and catch fire just from seeing the way the light overhead created shadows on his face, shadows which gave way when his gorgeous smile illuminated his features. That, I thought to myself, is what love felt like.
     
    Chapter Thirteen
     
                  “Good evening,” Javier said in a neutral tone of voice.
                  “Hi,” I answered, watching him to see if he was angry. There was no way he hadn’t seen Jackson leaving just now, and no way he couldn’t put two and two together to figure out why Jackson was walking away.
                  “You have date with football boy?” he asked seriously, but there was something playful in his tone. He stared up at me with a questioning look, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing with his own eyes.
                  “Well, it wasn’t exactly my choice. My sisters set me up, after you...”
                  “Yes? What did I do?” he asked, not unkindly.
                  “After they found out about your family.”
                  “No!” he answered sharply. “Not my family. Only my father, my father who is now dead from his actions.” Javier’s face suddenly clouded, a darkened expression masking his usually brilliant face. “My father made choices that we continue to pay the price for, a price that has cost me many people in my life. My father, my brothers, all taken from us by rival cartel, all killed while my mother watched. But also my childhood and my innocence taken from me when I learn what it is where my family makes money. I will not suffer ever again because of someone else decisions.”
                  I had nothing to say. Every word that he said made sense on some level, and I wanted nothing more than to throw myself at him and kiss away all the hurt on his face. Instead, I stood there like an idiot, not knowing how to make it better, not even knowing if it was possible to make it better after I’d turned my back on him without letting him explain.
                  “Javier, I’m really sorry I judged you. I listened to someone else instead of talking to you. Will you forgive me?” I asked, not even caring if he thought of me romantically anymore, but truly devastated that I had treated Javier exactly the same way that I accused the Thetas of treating people.
                  He stood up and stepped close to me, staring into my eyes for a long time before leaning down to kiss me. That was the kind of kiss I’d been waiting for, the kind that set my mouth on fire and made me want to shred Javier’s shirt with my bare