Nova and Quinton: No Regrets by Jessica Sorensen

whatever it is, that I know for sure he’d even care if I took off for a while.
    Quinton: Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to come out that way. It sounded really dirty, didn’t it?
    Me: No, it’s okay. And I figured u didn’t mean it.
    I’m glad you said it
. That’s what I really wish I could type. But I don’t because I’m not brave enough, nor do I think Quinton is ready for anything like that.
    Me: Off the subject, but how have things been going with that Wilson guy and those meetings?
    Quinton: Okay, I guess. It’s nice to hear someone talk about stuff that I’ve been through. I haven’t really talked to him much personally, but I think I might want to one day.
    Me: You should. Talking to Lea helped me deal with Landon’s death a lot, since she’d been through something similar with her father.
    Quinton: Can I ask you a really weird question?
    Me: You can always ask me anything.
    Quinton: I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable… it’s about Landon…
    Me: I’m fine. In fact, I sometimes like talking about him because then I know I’m not forgetting him.
    Quinton: U think it’s important not to forget, even if remembering is hard?
    Me: I think remembering is important but you need to get to a place where it’s not so hard to remember and maybe even therapeutic.
    Quinton: Yeah, I guess that sort of makes sense… I’m going to ask you that weird question now… please don’t hate me, but I really just want to understand something.
    Me: I never could hate you, so ask away.
    Quinton: Yeah, we’ll see… do you, I don’t know, ever feel guilty about Landon’s death?
    I pause. I once told him I did, but I guess he was too high to remember. I also remember that he didn’t really want to hear it, which makes me wonder how much he’s changing if he wants to hear it now.
    Me: Yeah, I used to. Not really anymore. I mean, I do have days when I overthink it and I feel shitty all over again, but it’s not as hard as it was when it first happened. Back then, I nearly went crazy thinking about all the things I could have done to save him… it was really bad that summer I spent getting high. And honestly, I kind of felt that guilt again this summer… it’s part of the reason why I wanted to help you so much… to make up for not helping Landon.
    I push send, but when he doesn’t respond right away, I think maybe I shared a little too much—I’m never sure with him. But then my phone beeps.
    Quinton: And how do you feel now? I mean, do u still feel the need to save people?
    I can’t help but think about the film project again. While it wouldn’t necessarily be saving anyone, it could help people realize that they’re not alone in this world, which I feel is important. I remember when Landon died and how no one seemed to really talk about it and I felt really alone, confused, and just plain lost. But perhaps if I’d had Lea earlier on, I wouldn’t have fallen so fast and so hard.
    Me: Yeah, but not in the helpless obsession sense. I still volunteer at the helpline sometimes and that helps. Plus, you’re okay so that makes me sort of happy.
    Quinton: I want to stay okay, but sometimes it’s hard, you know. Especially when I really start thinking about stuff.
    Me: I know it can get really difficult sometimes, but I know you can do it.
    Quinton: Why, though? Why have you always had so much faith in me when you barely know me?
    Me: I think I know you more than you think I do. And I think that you’re going to be okay because you’re working on being okay. If you were still running away from the problem, then I’d feel different.
    Quinton: I hope you’re right.
    Me: I’m always right and the sooner you realize that the easier things will be. J/k ;)
    Quinton: You’re so goofy sometimes.
    Me: Thanks :)
    Quinton: It’s actually one of my favorite things about you.
    I smile to myself as I type.
    Me: Want to know one of my favorite things about you?
    It takes him a moment to respond.
    Quinton: