Off Limits by Lindsay McKenna Page B

and be a shadow. I won’t ever pick up a rifle to kill again. I’ll die myself before I’ll do that.” He pointed to the M-14 with its broken stock. “I took my rifle and smashed it against a tree. I’ll never use a rifle to kill again. All I have is my Ka-bar knife, and I’ll use it only to help me get food. I won’t ever raise a weapon in defense of myself again.”
    â€œThat makes you a conscientious objector,” Alex said gently, “not a deserter.”
    Miserably, Jim looked up at her. “Words... I thought life would be simple after I made my decision. But then, you dropped into my life.” He kept picking at the vine knot on his makeshift splint. “At first, I was angry you’d come. Then, this past week, I changed my mind.”
    Shaken, Alex reached out and touched his slumped shoulder. “What do you mean, Jim?”
    With a deep, ragged sigh, he shrugged. “You remind me of home, of my family—of things I’d forgotten about. So many memories, good memories, have come back to me while you’ve been here.” A corner of his mouth curved, but his eyes were filled with sadness. “I realized what I’d become as a recon. I’d allowed my need for my pa to be proud of me to turn me into something I never wanted to be—a killer.” He rubbed his head and hair distractedly. “I’m all screwed up, Alex. I’m messed up in the head. I got brainwashed, and I’m tryin’ to straighten out how I’m thinking and seeing the world.”
    Alex sat quietly. She was grateful for her years at college, and for the psychology courses she’d taken thus far. If she’d ever doubted there was a place for therapy for victims of war trauma, she knew differently now. Aching for him, she said, “No one can judge what you did.”
    â€œI have to make that judgment. And I thought I had, but things have changed.” He held her soft gray gaze. “I have to get you to that marine firebase, that’s all there is to it. When I was sneaking into that VC camp, I realized you shouldn’t have to pay for my screwups.” He patted his leg. “I figure this leg will soon hold up well enough for a ten-mile trek to get you safely back to the marines. I know your pa’s worried sick. He probably thinks you’re dead. And I’m sure they sent out recon teams after the crash. They’ll search the wreckage on that bird and find only four bodies, not five.”
    He gave her a sad smile. “I’ll get you home, Alex, I promise.”
    Home. The word sounded so good. Too good to be true. Jim was mixed up, but his morals and values were still in place. Alex reached out, her fingers wrapping around his hand, which rested against his splinted leg. “I just want you to know that I know, in my heart, that you aren’t a bad person. You never were, Jim.”
    â€œI’m a booby prize, gal, and don’t you ever forget it. Stop looking at me like I’m some kind of special fella, ’cause I’m not. Just remember what I did, and why.”
    â€œIn my eyes, you’re a wonderful, kind man.”
    He shook his head. “Then you’re a bit tetched in the head, Alexandra Vance.”
    Her smile wobbled. “That’s fine by me. You forget I’ve been on the receiving end of your care. You’re no villain, Jim. You never will be.”
    For the longest time, Jim stared at Alex. She was so soft yet so strong behind her trembling smile and damp gray eyes. “I don’t know what it is about you,” he grumbled, “but you make me feel clean inside again. Maybe it’s you.... I don’t know anything, anymore.”
    Alex smiled more broadly and gently touched several strands of dark hair dipping across Jim’s pained brow. “Do you know what I want more than anything?”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI want you to come back with me.”
    He gave