Once We Were by Kat Zhang

length of time. But she didn’t.
    “Who’s the other boy sharing Christoph’s body?” she said instead. Jackson stiffened, but Addie pressed onward. “I’m trying to get to know everyone so I can tell who’s who and when, but I don’t even know his name, and—”
    “It’s always Christoph,” Jackson said.
    Addie paused. “Sorry?”
    “It’s always Christoph,” Jackson repeated. His voice went toneless. “You don’t need to figure anything out.”
    The words pierced our skin, injected ice water into our veins. We flashed cold, then hot. “You mean—but Jaime—”
    But Jaime’s the only one who survived that sort of surgery.
    Jackson’s eyes widened with realization. “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s not like that. His name is Mason. But none of us have ever spoken with him or seen him take control. Sabine says . . . Sabine says that by the time she got to know Christoph at their institution, Mason had already gone silent. Anyway—” He hesitated. “Look, we all react to hell differently. Mason—maybe he still speaks to Christoph, but he gave up communicating with anyone else.”
    Addie swallowed. Nodded.
    “Anyway.” Jackson seemed to be trying to smile. “You’re doing well.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Post-Nornand.” His smile was genuine now. “I don’t know what you were like before going in, but back in the hospital, you seemed—well, I don’t know. Different. Different than now.”
    Addie surprised me with a quiet laugh. She rarely laughed in front of people unless she was completely comfortable. “You know, I hated you, when I first saw you. I’d just arrived at Nornand. You had a package for Mr. Conivent or something, and you kept staring at me, and I—”
    I remembered, too. I’d thought Jackson’s eyes looked like a doll’s, so light blue they were almost clear.
    “I thought you figured I was some kind of circus freak,” Addie said. She laughed again, louder this time. “Turns out we’re the same kind of freak.”
    Jackson grinned, raising an imaginary glass. “To freaks, then.”

TEN
    J ackson stayed a little longer to chat, but he was supposed to meet with Christoph for lunch. He left with a smile and a
You’re sure you don’t want to come?
It was tempting. Leaving the apartment so many times these past two days hadn’t dampened our yearning for fresh air. If anything, it had made it worse. But Emalia was with Peter, not at work. She might return home any moment, and we couldn’t be found missing. So Jackson left alone.
    Addie was quiet long after he’d gone, moving slowly as we showered and got dressed. The steam from the hot water made us sleepy again, cloudy-headed.
    We’d just left the bathroom when Addie said

    Shock rippled through me.

    
    I tried to quash my excitement—or at least hide it from Addie. I didn’t dare ask what had finally changed her mind. Maybe meeting with Sabine and the others had affected her like it had affected me. Maybe she was finally ready to move on, to pursue a new kind of normal.
    
    Addie pushed our pillow against the headboard and leaned against it. Our damp hair clung to our neck. A breath shuddered through our lungs.
    
But her voice was quiet, hesitant. Frightened, I realized, and I almost said:
No, no, don’t do it, Addie. Don’t do it if you’re frightened.
The last thing I wanted was for Addie to be frightened. Our teeth rasped against our bottom lip. When she spoke again, her words were stronger.

    When we were thirteen? I’d been so angry then—I hadn’t even known what I was doing. I’d just wanted to be anywhere but where I was. Lyle’s sickness had started that year. Addie and I had fought, and in that moment, everything had been too much to bear. I’d willed myself to feel nothing at all, to disconnect from the world and dissolve like morning mist in