Pantomime by Laura Lam Page B

minute, and then push him away, I thought, a little woozy with all of the emotions swirling through my mind and body.
      I did not get another minute. Quick as a snake, his hand worked its way beneath my petticoats and brushed between my legs. Every muscle in his body went still.
      I scrambled away from him, to the opposite side of the tree, careless of the mud splattering my dress. It was too dim to see Damien's face.
      "Please…" I whispered, hoarsely. "I was…born with–"
      "A prick." His voice was flat, surprised and cruel.
      My breath was ragged. "No, I'm a girl. That part, it just, it grew too big. I'm seeing a doctor soon. Please… please…"
      He was utterly silent. I was panting in fear. If he told just one person, the entire secret would be something of the past. I would never find a man to marry me. All would shun me. I would be stuck with Mother forever.
      "Please," I said again, my voice too low for a girl's, too frightened to even articulate the plea properly.
      "I will not tell anyone," he said stiffly. "It was my own fault, for being too forward."
      I smoothed my hair from my face, still shaking. "I had never even been kissed before."
      He started. "My apologies." His voice still sounded flat. I realized that Damien had probably found his way beneath several skirts before this, with his social standing and pretty face. There were tavern wenches and he would have the money for tarts, but even some noble girls will kiss and pet, though most do not engage in anything that would result in a child. My friend Anna Yew had let a boy or two beneath her bodice. But Damien had never discovered anything quite like me, nor would he likely again.
      Damien would recover from this. Someday, he'd barely remember what had happened this day in the woods. At least, I could only hope he would. But this was something I would never, could never forget. That the first person to discover what I was had recoiled in revulsion and would no longer look at me. I stared at the charred interior of the hollow tree, determined not to let him see me cry.
      We sat in total silence until Cyril found us. It felt like hours had passed, but it had only been a couple of minutes. Damien did not look at me, the muscles in his jaws working furiously.
      I disgusted him.
      Cyril looked between the two of us but said nothing. When Oswin finally found us, we headed home as the light faded. I had a long streak of mud down the side of my skirt. I hid behind Cyril as we walked to the dwindling afternoon tea party, but there was no way to keep Mother from noticing. She admonished me the entire carriage ride home. At least she did not appear to have smelled the smoke.
      She railed on about how no man would wish to marry a girl who runs along and plays with the boys, who cannot keep herself tidy. I said nothing, her words barely registering, and looked out the window at the trees streaming past, my knees pressed tightly together to stop them from shaking. I felt as though my mind and heart had been dragged through a thicket of rose bushes and caught on every little thorn. After all, no man would want me in any case. I was both man and woman. No one would marry a monster.

9
    S UMMER: T HE B URNING C HALK
     
 
    "The Royal Snakewood family has ruled for over eight hundred years. Queen Nicolette Snakewood will come of age on an auspicious date – an eclipse that marks the date of the fortieth generation of Royalty. On that bright night, Ellada will have a celebration such as none have seen before."
    THE SNAKEWOOD DYNASTY , Professor Caed Cedar,
    Royal Snakewood University
     
    The tightrope shook violently under my feet as I made my way across it and I pinwheeled my arms to keep balance. I refused to fall.
      "Focus!" Aenea said, poking me in the ankle. I bent my knees, gritting my teeth as I balanced.
      "Don't do that!" I cried.
      "Who's to say some unruly member of the audience won't throw something at you