Paradise By The Rifle Sights (Greatest Hits romantic mysteries book #5) (Greatest Hits Mysteries) by Leslie Langtry Page B

"Marketing! I'm a marketing consultant."
    " Okay," I said slowly, "that's what I do too. What kind of marketing?" Alright, I didn't really. Marketing Consultant was my cover, but I did have a degree from Wharton.
    " Seriously? We should sooooo work together!" Rio smiled, and her violet eyes grew wider. Violet eyes? She must've had colored contacts.
    " That would depend on who you consult with," I answered.
    " Oh, yeah! I work mostly with pet food." She straightened up and in a deep voice said, "If your dog is fat, Purser Pet Food can help with that!"
    " I remember that campaign. You came up with that slogan?" Maybe Rio had some promise.
    She shook her head. "No, but I picked the font for it!"
    Ophelia moved in for the kill. "Don't listen to them, Par…"
    Did she just call me Par? It's not like my name is so long it's hard to say.
    " I'm the only one you need to talk to tonight," she purred.
    " And why is that?" I asked, in spite of the fact I really didn't want to know.
    Ophelia responded by grabbing my cock through my pants and tugging. If she were a man, I'd have killed her on the spot. But just then the car slowed down, and the driver turned toward us.
    " You're here," he said dully. "Meet back here in two hours."
    We got out of the car, after extricating Ophelia 's hand from my groin. It had taken everything in my power not to pull her arm off and shove it down her throat. The three of us stood in front the entrance to the fairgrounds. An old man was sitting at a card table out front.
    He looked us up and down. "I think you might be in the wrong place, son."
    The cameraman paid for our tickets and preceded us into the fairgrounds. Sawdust and dirt filled the air, covering us immediately. Kids ran past holding cotton candy, while adults openly stared.
    Now, when I say they stared at us, I don 't mean they just looked us over. They gawked, slack-jawed—the men stared at the three sets of fake breasts I escorted, and the women scowled. This could only go downhill from here.
    " Oooooooh!" Rio squealed, "Paris! Win me a giant monkey!" She pointed at a booth to our left.
    " Me too, Paris!" Destiny shouted louder.
    " No, me!" cried Ophelia, even louder. The women were making a huge scene, and it was clear they loved the attention. If I asked them to be quiet, they probably would've gotten naked and resorted to arson.
    " Alright," I sighed and made my way to the booth. Now I'd have to win three huge stuffed animals and probably carry them around for the rest of the night. But doing something would bring me that much closer to the end of the night. And I was pretty sure I knew which group was going home.
    The carn ie behind the counter grinned toothlessly as I put money on the counter. It was one of those games where you shoot the water pistol at the creepy clown's mouth to blow up a balloon until it burst. And it was likely rigged.
    " Good luck, kid," the carnie said, and I realized with a start that it was a woman. The cameraman was eating it up going from the homely, middle-aged carnie to the trio of silicone ladies with me.
    I took the pistol into my hand and felt the weight of it. It was plastic and smooth from years of use. The sights would be worthless. One quick squirt at the target told me immediately to aim up to the left to compensate. Within five minutes I had three enormous monkeys in my arms.
    " Howdjya do that?" mumbled the carnie.
    " Just lucky, I guess." And training with handguns since I was five. But that was beside the point.
    " Thank you!" the three gir…I mean, women chorused.
    The rest of the time, I carried three monkeys as I followed Rio, Destiny, and Ophelia around the fairgrounds as they ran from one thing to another. Apparently, none of these women had ever been to a carnival before. And apparently, none of the Iowans there had seen three scantily clad women at a fair before. I guess it was a win-win for everyone. Everyone except for me.
    " Oooh! Paris!" Rio squealed. "We have to go the powder room!