I wasn’t going to back down.
“Sex.” His right eyebrow shot up.
“Like you need some pointers or advice?”
I rolled my eyes and reached over and twisted one of his nipples until he cried out. “Does it look like I need pointers on how to fuck? Do I need to remind you of the pleading and begging you did just now?” He just narrowed his eyes at me and rubbed his hand over his aching nipple. “I wanted to talk to you about us having sex more often than once every few months.” He looked skeptical about my proposal, but didn’t say anything. “We’re really good together, Jag, and I trust you. I love having sex, but I hate the complications of trying to find someone who also doesn’t want a relationship.”
“Miller, I don’t think people can hook up and have a lot of sex without someone developing feelings or getting attached to the other person. I really like having sex with you too, but I won’t ever be able to give you anything more. It’s just not in the cards for someone like me.” Was he saying that he didn’t think he deserved to be loved? That was a far cry different than not believing in love. I wanted to ask more, but he spoke first. “If sex is all you expect or want from me, then I’m in.”
I should’ve said more or even asked some questions, but Jag pressed his lips to mine and pulled me tight against his body. My brain short circuited as his hands roamed all over my body as if they had missed the feel of my skin. My only thought was experiencing the pleasure that only he could give me. Had I been more cognizant, I would’ve worried about becoming addicted to him and the way that he made me feel.
MILLER’S SUGGESTION OF us hooking up on a more regular basis shocked and delighted me at the same time. To say that I was sexually attracted to him was putting it mildly. Bones turned me on and drove me wild like no other man had before, but his intelligence, humor, and personality made him even more appealing. I found myself in the uncomfortable position of fearing that I would be the one to fall in love and get hurt.
Our hookups started out at once or twice a week, but gradually over a few month’s span became three or four times a week. I didn’t know how else to describe the way he made me feel except to say he was like an addiction. I got twitchy and became withdrawn until I got my Miller fix. He brought so much more into my life than just sex.
He became the person I talked to about my work, even if he called my firm Dewey, Soakum, and Howe. I was his sounding board too when he wanted to talk about the idiot who ran his department. I loved how passionate he was about his work and his students. He told me he admired the way I fought for our community, even though the things I battled for were ones I didn’t want for myself. He called me selfless, when most would describe me as selfish. It seemed that Miller saw more in me than others did, including myself.
Miller was so much more than just the affable playboy I thought him to be. One of the things I admired most about Miller was his dedication to his family. I didn’t know too many single men who would give up their weekends to babysit their niece and nephew so their parents could take a weekend getaway here and there, but he did. I loved how he had a spare bedroom just for them at his house and how he hung up the pictures they colored for him on his refrigerator. I loved to listen to him talk about his family and I wondered what it must have been like to grow up surrounded by so much love. The beautiful man that he became was testament to the kind of parents he had. Every child deserved to be loved the way he was, regardless of the number of parents a child had or their sexual orientation. Love and acceptance from a parent, parents, and even grandparents would trump a lot of shitty circumstances.
He was wonderful to my purr babies, Ursula and Maleficent, when he came to my house. There was a lot of teasing on his part when he