Player Haters by Carl Weber

yourself into? And who is Mimi?”
    When I saw the look on her face, I instantly felt a migraine coming on. “Mimi’s my new secretary.”
    “New secretary? I thought you said your new secretary’s name was Maxine. Not Mimi. Mimi sounds like a stripper’s name.” She twisted her lips as she tilted her head. “What’s going on, Wil?”
    “Nothin’s going on, Di. Her name is Maxine, but everyone calls her Mimi.” I was about to tell her about Mimi getting beat up, but she cut me off before I could speak.
    “If nothing’s going on, why the hell wouldn’t she give me her name?”
    “I don’t know. She’s got some problems. Her boyfriend beat her up and took her money.”
    “So why the hell is she calling you and not the police? Don’t she have family?”
    “We’re friends, Di. She needed someone to talk to about her problems.”
    “I don’t give a damn if she needed to tell you where she stashed fifty million dollars. You tell that secretary of yours, don’t be callin’ my house at five-thirty in the morning refusing to give me her name. Do we understand each other, Wil Duncan?”
    She glared at me until I nodded my head. “Yes, Di. I understand.”
     
    “You know what, Di? Just forget it! I’m going to a diner to get something to eat. I’ll see you when I get home.” I hung up my cell phone and immediately ripped off the hands-free device I was wearing. I was pissed the fuck off. Diane had just informed me that there was no rush for me to come home, because she wasn’t feeling well and dinner hadn’t been made. Now don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t pissed about dinner. There were plenty of nights she’s called and told me to get something on the way home. I was pissed because she made it very clear that she was headed for bed and that when I got home she didn’t want to be disturbed. After what happened this morning, I took that to be just another excuse not to have sex with me. Any other time, she would’ve been whining for me to get my ass home so I could take care of her and watch the kids.
    “Wil, are you all right?” Mimi’s voice startled me out of my thoughts. I’d completely forgotten she was in the car with me. I was headed to Rochdale Village to drop her off when Di called.
    “No, I’m not all right.”
    “I didn’t think so. You haven’t said a word to me since we got in your car. And you just hit me with your headset.” She was holding my headset loosely in her right hand.
    “Oh, I’m sorry, Mimi. I’m just a little preoccupied. Family problems.”
    “I hope it’s not about this morning.” She placed her hand on my knee. “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking about, calling your house at five-thirty in the morning. And the Lord knows I should’ve given your wife my name. I can just imagine what she must think of me.”
    “Well, let’s put it this way. I don’t think you’re going to be invited over for dinner anytime soon. But you’re not the problem, Mimi. We were arguing way before you called. Our problems are a lot deeper than you not giving her your name.”
    “Really. What’s going on? Is there anything I can help you with?”
    I glanced at Mimi and smiled a naughty thought. “Sure. You wanna be my wife’s surrogate?” I said it as a joke, but after it came out my mouth, I’m not so sure it sounded that way.
    “Excuse me? What did you say?”
    “Nothing. I was just playing.” My face became flush.
    “Well, you gonna stop playing and tell me what’s going on at home, or what?” She gave me this look that made me lower my head.
    “I don’t know, Mimi. It’s kinda personal.”
    “So was my son’s father beating my ass, but I told you that . Aren’t you the one who told me that we’re friends? And that a friend is someone who listens to another friend when they have problems?”
    “Yeah, I guess I did say something like that, didn’t I?”
    “Yeah, you did. And you listened to my problems this morning. Now it’s my turn to return