Puckoon by Spike Milligan Page B

nose.
    'When you are accustomed to it, you
can tell by the bouquet exactly whether you are going to like it or not. The
taste comes second, but that is usually just a confirmation of what your nose
has already decided.'
    Here he sipped. 'As
I thought! A little young, better in another two
years, but still delightful.'
    He would pour them all a 'Damp Glass'
as he called it. ' The older you are the more you get,
so hurry up and grow.'
    They would all clink glasses and
chorus' Lechayim'.
    Then the meat
course and with it the red, round-bodied, luscious
Burgundy
.
    'Chambertin33,' said Poppa.' Liquid velvet grown just South of Dijon.'
    Just after breakfast Poppa would go
down into the cellar and bring up one precious bottle. The war was on, France
had capitulated, and no more red was coming into the country. After four hours
he would decant, and then stand the green glass decanter in the dining room.
    'Idiots laugh at this ritual,' he
would say, ' but we Oneophiles know how to get the best from the wine.'
    Father would hold the first glass of
red up to the light and carefully examine it for sediment and colour.
    ' Poppa ,
what was the greatest meal ever served ?'
    Poppa puzzled at young Sean's
question.
    ' The greatest I don't know but -' here he closed his eyes and put his finger on his
nose. Suddenly he spoke. 'The meal served at the Tuilleries in 1820, I have a
copy in my wallet, listen to this; no, better still, I will read you the most
extraordinary menu, which proves that the French under no matter what harrowing
conditions still attain the heights of civilization.' Poppa donned his glasses
and read.
    'Dinner served at the Cafe Voisin,
261 Rue Saint-Honore, on December 25th 1870, 99th day of the siege.'
    Here he looked around to observe
their surprise, then continued.
    Hors D'oeuvres Butter-Radishes,
Stuffed Donkey's Head, Sardines, Soups, Puree of Red Beans with Croutons,
Elephant Consomme Entrees, Fried Gudgeons, Roast Camel English Style Jugged
Kangaroo, Roast Bear Chops au Poivre, Roasts Haunch of Wolf, Venison Sauce, Cat
Flanked by Rats Watercress Salad, Antelope Terrine with Truffles, Mushroom
Bordelaise, Buttered Green Peas, Dessert Rice Cake with Jam Gruyere, Cheese
Wines
    (Here Poppa's face beamed)
    First service Sherry La tour Blanche
1861! Chateau Palmer 1864!
    'Now second service,' he emphasized:
    Mouton Rothschild 1846! Romanee Conti
1858! Grand Porto 1827!
    He folded the paper, and patted his
brow where an excitement of perspiration had grown. They gathered by the menu
that the Paris Zoo had been held in reserve for a Christmas Dinner. At the time
young Sean was only seven, and the names of the great wine Chateaus that his
father rolled off meant very little to him, but his father's persistence had
borne fruit and the whole family were now confirmed lovers of wine.
    Right now, however, terrible things
were happening. Father Rudden was pulling another cork to shreds and pouring
the wine.
    ' Wine ,' the
priest was saying, ' is liquid Christianity, there was never a bigger argument
against the teetotallers than the Miracle at
Cana
.'
Five glasses clinked. 'Schlaunty!' they chorused. They all drank. They drank
again. Then, several more agains, then a series of agains followed by one long
permanent again. Father Rudden was starting to rock unsteadily. Laughter was
coming more frequent, and an occasional song. The conversation got around to
religion.
    ' I say,' said the suddenly
enlightened Milligan, T say that Roman Catholicism is losin' ground.'
    ' Ha, Ha,' said the priest,' losing ground ? With 500 millions at the last count
?' O'Brien rubbed his chin. 'That's the trouble, it's like commercial
television, never mind what kind of audience you got as long as you got plenty
of 'em. The world is only concerned with numbers, not quality. It's a
biological fact that you can't have numbers and quality. All things that
continue in numbers run to seed. If not to seed they become a commune of
non-thinkers like ants or