razorsedge by Lisanne Norman Page B

his mind, unresolved as yet, but a possibility that he hadn't rejected.

"I don't know what I want to do," he said, turning away from her, tail swaying slightly. "But I'll always be part of you both because of our Triad."

"I thought you'd found peace with yourself when we were in the Margins. You said you had. What's happened, Tallinu? You had none of these doubts two days ago."

"That was then. I belong to the past, Carrie, fifteen hundred years ago, not now." His tail was flicking from side to side as he turned round to face her. "Can't you understand that I'm not the same person I was? I need to find out who I am now."

"I know who you are," she said quietly. "You're who you've always been, Kaid Tallinu, our friend— and more."

His eyes caught and held hers, his tail stilling. "Don't make it difficult for me, Carrie," he said, his voice barely audible. "I have to leave— for a while at least."

She could tell his mind was made up. "I won't try to persuade you to stay, but at least promise you'll talk to me before you make a final decision on whether or not to return. Don't just disappear like the last time."

"When I've had some time alone and know my own mind, then yes, I'll talk to you. I owe you that at least," he said reluctantly, looking away again.

Tiredly, Carrie lay back against the pillows, watching him. Perhaps that was what they all needed: time. They'd been through so much in the last few weeks, Tallinu more than either her or Kusac. He'd become so much a part of their lives that it was difficult to imagine him not being there. But what of him? So much of his life had been spent serving others, yet he deserved the opportunity to build a life of his own, too.

"I have to go now. Kusac needs me downstairs."

She nodded. "Don't let them exhaust you," she said. "You're not long out of your own sickbed."

     

* * *
     
    When the opportunity presented itself, Kaid took Lijou aside for a private word.

"How soon may I come to Stronghold?" he asked. "We need to discuss Vartra, and it's time I learned how to use my Talent."

Lijou regarded him shrewdly. "Something's changed, hasn't it? You, better than anyone, Kaid, should know Stronghold's no retreat. No one comes to us to escape from the decisions they should be making out in the world. There's no rush to set our policy regarding Vartra yet. En'Shalla, Kaid. You have to play out the hand the God has dealt you. Besides," he added more prosaically, "we're still debating over who should become the new Brotherhood Guild Master for our warriors. It would be inappropriate for non-Brotherhood personnel to be with us at this time."

Kaid growled softly. "I'm not trying to escape from anything, and you know it. You're stringing me along, Lijou."

"Not so!" Lijou reached out to lay his fingertips briefly on Kaid's arm, his gesture one of concern. "I'm telling you no more than the truth. Visit me by all means. I'll help you any way I can, but until you've been back for at least a few weeks and tried to adapt, as your Head Priest, I cannot let you turn your back on the world and stay at Stronghold. Ghyan can continue teaching you here."

Kaid growled softly again and turned away from him. It was a long time since any institution had held authority over him, and already it rankled. He saw Noni staring disapprovingly at him from the other side of the room.

Going back to hide in that dark corner, are you, Tallinu? she sent. How long before you face the problem this time? Another thirty-four years? D'you think she'll wait that long for you? When the Gods set a Triad together, it isn't easily broken apart, as you'll doubtless find out!

Mentally he retreated deeper within himself, refusing to even acknowledge he'd heard her. Seeing Meral standing by the doorway out into the family gardens, he caught his eye and went over to join him.

"I'm relieving you," he said. "Report in to Ni'Zulhu, then you can go off duty. I don't see why I should be the only one to suffer!" His slight