I held her. She stopped and then started crying again, and some of those mothers looked at usâsome seemed concerned, and some scowled. I just held her and wondered how one minute everything can be okay and the next, everything has changed.
I donât know why I didnât keep my mouth shut. I felt I had to say something. I guess I felt she needed to have an explanation. So I told her about the broken condom.
And that changed everything.
Ashley pulled away. The expression changed on her face. âWhy didnât you say something that night?â
Yes, why didnât I? I shrugged.
âThen this is all your fault,â she said, way too loud.
âIâm sorry. Itâs no good getting mad at me now. We have to figure out what to do,â I said unconvincingly.
âIf I had known, I could have maybe done something.â
âI know,â I said. I knew she was referring to morning-after pills. I just didnât think at the time that one little slipup would result in this.
âI trusted you,â she said.
âI know,â I said, hanging my head.
âYou bastard,â she snapped back. And then she hit me.
Well, it could have been a slap. Iâm not sure. Something between a slap and a punch right on the side of my face. Then she got up and started walking away. I ignored the stinging in my face and followed her. All eyes in the park, even those of the little kids, were on us.
âPlease, wait,â I pleaded. Ashley shook me off and just kept walking. She turned once to say, âI never want to speak to you again,â before walking off into the afternoon.
I was dizzy, and I was having a hard time getting my bearings. I didnât know what to do. A voice in my brain kept telling me to go after her, but instead I turned and walked home. I told my mom I was sick, and I went to my bedroom and played Guitar Hero . I know how that sounds, but thatâs what I did. I ate a silent supper when the time came, played some more Guitar Hero and then went to sleep feeling like crap. I kept trying to think of some way out of this. Some plan. But all I did was keep beating myself up. What had I been thinking? Was sex really so important that I let this happen? Eventually I fell asleep.
When I woke in the morning, the problem was still there, staring me square in the face.
Chapter Three
Over the next few days, things went from bad to worse. Ashley walked away from me every time I tried to talk to her. She had two words for me: âGet away.â Thatâs all sheâd say. And each time my heart sank. Her brother Stephen followed me into the bathroom one afternoon. Stephen was my age and in many of my classes. He was a big guy, a wrestler on the school team, and legendary for his bad temper, which I think he got from his father.
âYouâre gonna have to watch your back from now on,â he said in a voice that sounded like heâd been gargling with Drano. We were standing side by side at the urinals. Before we were done, he turned and pissed on my shoes and then walked out the door.
I knew that Ashley and her brother were close, but I was surprised to think that she would have told him she was pregnant. But, as I was cleaning my shoes, it occurred to me that she didnât have to tell him she was pregnant. All she had to do was make up anything about me that would get Stephen angry enough to, well, piss on my shoes. Damn.
It wasnât long before I started to get the picture. Some of Ashleyâs friends started giving me dirty looks. Her brother reappeared when I was waiting for the bus and âaccidentallyâ shoved me in line so that I rammed into a couple of kids in front of me.
Gossip travels fast in school, and before long I was getting dirty looks from people I didnât even know. I started to avoid looking at anyone in the hallways. At home, Guitar Hero wasnât enough of an escape to avoid thinking about my problem.
When some of