Remember Me by Penelope Wilcock

feel inside by how they make you feel when you are with them. She said that a person has nothing to give you but what is within their heart, so if they are afraid, they have nothing to give you but fear, and they put it into your heart too. That’s what she said.”
    His abbot considered this. “Have I—I haven’t met your mother, have I, Brother Conradus?”
    The novice shook his head. “No, Father. She has many responsibilities at home, and we are not wealthy. It would be difficult for her to make the journey here, for we live twenty miles away. I came here by myself. And anyway, that was when Father Chad was standing in while we waited for you. No, you haven’t met my mother.”
    â€œI hope I do one day,” said Father John, “for I think I would like her very much. Is that all then?”
    And this time Brother Conradus said yes, he had nothing else on his mind.
    As he walked along the cloister away from the abbot’s lodge, Conradus felt he had been right to have laid his concern for Father William before his abbot, but it saddened him to think there was no comfort he could offer. He resolved to hold before his mind the words that had arisen within him and enfold Father William in prayer on every possible occasion until whatever it was that so oppressed his soul had been driven away.
    After the young man had gone, John sat in thought without moving for some while. Afraid. Unhappy. Worthless. Full of shame. He wondered how much of it was Brother Conradus’s imagination. Even so, somehow… it didn’t sound good. At the very least it seemed that William had been less than gentle with this novice on several occasions. In a sudden, swift movement of decision, he left the unfinished work on his table and went out through the door to the abbey court, heading for the checker. He got halfway there, then his footsteps slowed. Almost there, he stopped, changed his mind, and turned back along the way he had come. He wanted to speak to Brother Cormac first, though he was not sure of finding him in the kitchen at this time of the day. It seemed prudent to reassure himself, before opening the matter with William, that Brother Conradus’s motives could entirely be trusted.
    The long wall of the refectory had a door onto the abbey court, so John went in there as the quickest route to the kitchen and came upon Brother Cormac and Father William going through the weekly check of the knives and spoons.
    â€œWell met! I was looking for both of you!”
    They looked up and stopped the count, but John said, “No, no! I won’t interrupt you—well, no more than I already have. I need to speak with you, Brother Cormac, and I’ll just wait here for that until you’ve finished; it’s only something quick. Father William, if you are free to do so, will you call into my house after None? Thank you. There’s something I needed to talk over with you. I’ll sit and wait here until you’re done—no rush.”
    Having satisfied himself that nothing had been lost, broken, or stolen, William thanked Brother Cormac, inclined his head in a movement of flawless courtesy to John, and was on his way as Cormac returned the utensils to the kitchen. Watching William as he interacted with Brother Cormac, John tried to evaluate what he observed as dispassionately as he could. He could see that a novice might find him intimidating; his entire demeanour was of a man who took no prisoners. His tone was brisk and neutral, not especially friendly. There was nothing in him to reassure or encourage, except when he deliberately put it there, which most of the time he did not. But that didn’t appear to bother Cormac; they seemed easy together.
    â€œSo. How can I help you?” Cormac was back from the kitchen and wiping his hands on his apron. Looking at him John was not sure which would come off worse, the apron or the hands, but he thought that might be a matter