Remember the Starfighter by Michael Kan

their weapons. They fought with no regard for their own vessels, sacrificing themselves at every turn. Entire lines of defenses shattered into exploding debris, the collisions erupting into shocks of light.
    Tactics and bravery could do nothing against the enemy’s suicidal waves of ships. Each of the clashes seemed to eat away at SpaceCore might, thousands of assembled pilots consumed in the fury. Even SpaceCore Command, the heart of humanity’s military might, had fallen. The remaining fleet was then forced to pull back toward Haven.
    “Alliance ships eventually came, and ordered us to pull out of the system and meet at Cambra. I did so, thinking we were just regrouping, and staging another counterattack. But those assholes said they were just covering our retreat.”
    The admiral poured himself another cup, taking another shot, and swallowing the pain down. “I try to think of it positively — I live so I can fight again another day. Later, when we got to Bydandia, I was promoted to commodore and then admiral. Been leading offensive operations ever since.”
    Julian could see the frustration on the man’s face. It was a blank stare, a daze that reflected loss. He had seen it before, years ago when the admiral was just another captain, and Julian was a novice fighter pilot.
    “But I’m glad to see you made it. You look good, a little more seasoned,” the admiral said, cheering himself up. “You were always a good man Julian. One of the best in Gray Squadron.”
    Julian nodded as he saw his old commander in front of him.
    “Well, I was lucky to have a good captain,” he said.
    “We made a good team,” the admiral replied. “It’ll be nice to see you back in action again.”
    Julian, however, was unsure of what he felt. He noticed that the admiral looked at him with pride. But in truth, Julian wanted to concede something: he did not know if he could handle this.
    “I hate to say this. Not everyone made it,” the admiral said. “Ortenya, Kenjin and Tyagi are all gone. They were killed in action over the years. I found out a few days ago that Jenas died at Haven.”
    “What? I had no idea.”
    “Did you keep in touch with any of them?” the admiral asked.
    Julian closed his eyes in regret. “No,” he said. “Jenas and Tyagi tried contacting me. But I just didn’t have the heart to talk to them.”
    The admiral poured out the whisky again. This time Julian drank it all.
    “Jenas, she was a great officer,” the admiral said. “I don’t usually say this. But she was a beauty. One of my many regrets. I always held a torch for her. But was always too afraid to admit it. She must have thought I was an old man.”
    The admiral laughed as he scratched the back of his head. He then couldn’t help but ask Julian another question.
    “What about Evah? Are you two still…”
    Julian quickly shook his head, not saying a word. Rather, he hid whatever he wanted to express in another swallow of his drink. The admiral could tell things had not ended well.
    “It’s still hard isn’t? Coming back to the Core?” the admiral asked.
    “I never thought I would be back,” Julian replied. “After you left Gray Squadron, it was never the same again.”
    Julian licked his lips as he searched to find the words. “I couldn’t keep it together,” he said. “Everything went to hell. And now I feel like a coward for it.”
    “I know,” the admiral said. “It’s not your fault. This is war Julian. It kills a man to see so much destruction.”
    “But how do you deal with it?” Julian asked.
    The admiral turned around, pulling something up from a counter behind him. He handed it to Julian. The object was a framed picture, holding a shot of a group of people standing in a hanger bay. In it Julian could see himself as he was years ago, with Drayden and 17 others posing for the photo. This had been taken during his first year as a full-fledged pilot with the SpaceCore. “TS-X49” read the engraved letters below the