Retief at Large by Keith Laumer

gestures to the foraging crew. "To enter and evict
the madmen!" he hissed. "To cast them forth bodily!"
     
                The
several dozen Groaci who had gathered moved in a body toward the Legation door.
     
                "I'm
disappointed in you, Fiss," Retief said, shaking his head sadly. "I
thought you were going to pretend that this was all perfectly legal, and here
you are about to violate a diplomatic mission in broad daylight."
     
                Fiss
hesitated, then hissed an order to his men. They halted.
     
                "Very
well, Soft One," he whispered. "What need of force? Unlike the higher
races, you require water at frequent intervals, I believe. Since, alas, I
cannot authorize further deliveries through the village mains, you will soon
emerge to seek it. We will be waiting."
     
                Magnan
tottered to Retief's side. "Mr. Fiss," he croaked. "This is
madness! You can't possibly hope to justify this outrageous seizure."
     
                "On
the contrary, Mr. Magnan," Fiss waved a fistful of paper. "If you
will re-read your Colonial Code, Title Three, Section XI, paragraph 9b, you
will find that, and I quote, 'any planetary body lacking an indigenous culture
may be considered as available for homesteading by any Power covenant to these
articles'."
     
                "Surely,
Fiss, you don't imply that Yale is uninhabited! Great Heavens, the world is
known throughout the Sector for the beauty of its glass and ceramic work."
     
                "I
refer further to paragraph 12d, ibidem," Fiss bored on, "which
provides the following criteria for determination of cultural level within the
meaning of the Code (a) an active, organized government competent to represent
native interests; (b) a degree of social organization characterized by cities
of at least one thousand inhabitants; and (c) individual or group I.Q., (as
applicable) averaging .8 "standard" as evidenced by GST Test
scores."
     
                "Have
you lost your wits?"Magnan cut in. "You're standing in the midst of a
Yalcan City! I deal daily with representatives of the Yalcan government! As for
intelligence—"
     
                "Inhabited city, Mr. Magnan, permit me to remind you. Minimum population, one thousand
individuals." Fiss waved a hand at the empty street. "I see no
individuals here."
     
                "But
they're all away participating in a festival!"
     
                "As
for government," Fiss continued blandly, "I have been totally
unsuccessful in discovering any active organization. I confess I have
been unable to secure a specimen of the local fauna for I.Q. Testing, but I
feel sure any such effort would be unrewarding."
     
                "You
deliberately timed this coup to take advantage of local customs!" Magnan
said in a shocked tone. "The code will be amended, Fiss!"
     
                The
Groaci vibrated his throat sac, a contemptuous gesture. "Ex post facto legal
manipulations can hardly be expected to affect the present situation
retroactively, my dear Magnan."
     
                Magnan
clutched at the edge of the window. "Retief," he gasped weakly.
"This is insane, but I have a sudden, awful conviction that he's legally
on firm ground."
     
                "Of
course," Fiss went on, "article 68 of the Code expressly prohibits
occupation by force of any world, cultured or otherwise. However, since our
arrival was carried out in complete tranquility, this is hardly germane."
     
                "The
festival will be over tomorrow," Magnan burst out. "What then?"
     
                "Now
that we have established legal possession of this planet," Fiss whispered,
"it will, of course, be necessary to enforce the just laws which are even
now being enacted. To this end, certain arms are of course necessary." He
spat rapid Groacian at a trio of newcomers in