Rodrick Rules by Jeff Kinney Page A

Talent Show. I didn't want to go, and neither did Dad.
    But Mom made us both go to show our support for Rodrick.
    Rodrick and Mom went to the school early to bring some stuff that Rodrick's band
    needed, so Dad had to ride in the band's van with Bill. And Dad wasn't too thrilled
    when he ran into his boss in the school parking lot.
    [Image: A cartoon of some people standing beside the truck. ] "Hiya Frank!"
    The show kicked off at 7:00, and let me just say, I think it was a really bad idea to
    combine the three schools for this thing.
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    They ended up having kindergartners singing songs to their teddy bears followed
    by eighteen-year-olds doing speed metal guitar solos.

    [Image: A cartoon of a man with a guitar and another man with a toy.] "And now
    for Larry Larkin's performance of "carnage" scoot scoot"
    I don't think Dad approved of Larry Larkin and all his piercings. Halfway through
    Larry's guitar solo, Dad leaned over and whispered to the man sitting next to him.
    [Image: A cartoon of three people whispering.] "What's the worst thing that kid up
    there could say to you?
    What?"
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    I wish I had time to warn Dad that the guy he was talking to was Larry's father.
    [Image: A cartoon of three in conversation.] ""Hi, Dad!""
    Another problem with combining the schools was that there were too many acts,
    and the show went on FOREVER.
    At 9:30 they decided to start running two acts at the same time to keep the show
    moving along. Sometimes it worked out all right, like when they had Patty Farrell
    tap-dancing while Spencer Kitt was juggling. But other times it didn't work out too
    good, like when Terrence James played a harmonica on a unicycle while Charise
    Kline read her poem about global warming.
    Rodrick's band was the last act to take the stage.
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    Before the show, Rodrick asked me to videotape his band during their act, but I

    told him no WAY.
    He's been such a jerk to me lately that I can't believe he was trying to hit me up for
    a favor. So Mom volunteered for camera duty.
    Rodrick's band got paired up with Harry Gilbertson, the roller-skating kid. And I'm
    sure Rodrick wasn't too happy about THAT.
    [Image: A cartoon of a bands performance on stage.] "Who's ready to
    rrrrocccckkkk?
    I am!"
    I noticed Dad wasn't sitting next to me while Rodrick's band played, so I looked
    around for him.
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    Dad was standing in the back of the gym with cotton balls sticking out of his ears,
    and he stayed there until the song was over.
    [Image: A cartoon of a man outside the door.]
    After Rodrick's band performed, they handed out the awards. Rodrick's band didn't
    win anything, but Harry Gilbertson walked away with the prize for "Best Musical
    Act."
    [Image: A cartoon of a child being awarded on the stage.]
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    But you'll never guess who the Grand Prize Winner was: Rowley's babysitter,
    Leland.
    He won for his ventriloquist act, because the judges said it was "wholesome."
    I never thought I'd agree with Rodrick on anything, but I'm starting to wonder if
    maybe he was right about Leland being a nerd after all.
    [Image: A cartoon of a man with his son in his lap.] "Hey, who's the dummy here?"
    After the show, Rodrick's band came back to our house to watch the videotape of
    their performance.
    They were all grumbling about how they got "robbed," and how the judges don't
    know the first thing about rock and roll.
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    So their plan was to just mail the videotape off to some record labels and let their
    performance speak for itself.
    They all sat down in front of the TV and Rodrick put the tape in the machine. But
    it took about thirty seconds for everyone to realize the tape was worthless.
    You know how Rodrick asked Mom to videotape the show? Well, she did a pretty
    good job of filming, but she talked nonstop during the first two minutes. And the
    camera picked up every little comment she made.
    [Image: A cartoon of people watching Television.] "That shirt makes Rodrick's
    arms look so skinny!"

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    Every time Bill stuck