Rules for Ghosting by A. J. Paquette

add, they are
not
able to escape. As I said—a fine art! A very fine art indeed.”
    Oliver still felt slightly ridiculous playing along with this game but, for all its idiocy, this “science” of ghosterminating actually was pretty interesting. “Then what?”
    â€œI take them back to my laboratory.” Wiley rubbed his hands together gleefully. “And then we shall see what we shall see, hmmm? What are ghosts made of, I wonder. How is their essence constructed—or perhaps I had best say,
deconstructed
? To take them ever so carefully apart, to open them up, if you will—to analyze and identify each of their ghastly and ghostly components … that way lies fame and fortune, my boy, for thehappy ghosterminator! Fame and fortune. The very name of the game and, I daresay, the pinnacle of this science to which I have devoted my career.”
    Wiley’s idiocy was clearly trumped only by his greed. Oliver felt slightly sick. “But how do you go about, er,
seeing
them? If there were any—I mean,
when
you happen to find any ghosts, wouldn’t they be, like, see-through? You know, invisible? How would you even find them?”
    Wiley pounced on this question with glee. “It’s a tandem attack, my boy! You’ve seen my goggles. They’re not much to look at—pardon the pun!—but what they do is heighten the eye’s natural sensitivity to ghostly phenomena.”
    â€œThat’s what happened yesterday?” Oliver had no idea what Wiley had seen, but for a second back there Oliver could almost have believed the guy had seen
something
. Definitely something … but a
ghost
? No way.
    â€œCorrect, exactly, and right on the money!” Wiley paused as a little shudder passed through him. “I have to say that sighting caught me off my guard. But I assure you, that was a one-time failure. I will not be caught out like that again, no sirree! But as to your question of transparency, nothing could be simpler. Once I’ve got the specters in my sights, I use a product of my own invention—I call it phoam. For exposing
ph
antoms, you see.” His face split in a wide grin. “It’s modeled after the fine stuff of fire extinguishers, but vastly more high-tech. And stored right here in my trusty Aspirator. Spray the phoam on those vermin, and poof! Right in the open, for the naked eye to see.”
    Oliver shook his head a little to clear it. Wiley believed his craziness so much that it was starting to sound halfway believable!
    â€œAnd now, are you ready to witness the science of ghosterminating in real-life action?” Without waiting for an answer, Wiley set the goggles back down on a low side table. “I won’t use these yet. The first thing you need when launching a ghost hunt is the noble Spectrometer.”
    Oliver shivered as Wiley whipped out the skinny black device he’d been flashing around the property the first day he’d arrived.
    Patting his device lovingly, Wiley flipped the switch and beamed at Oliver. “There, you see these numbers? Right around here—mid-forties—that’s average. Normal, non-haunted atmosphere. But look at that needle—see it rise? Great gadzooks! I haven’t seen such a reading in—well, in quite a while, I assure you.” Wiley’s eyes bulged and Oliver leaned over to watch as the needle climbed up, and up, and up.
    Finally it hovered near the very top of the narrow screen. “These numbers are
astronomical
. I would say there’s a 95 percent chance”—Wiley lowered his voice to a dramatic whisper—“that there is
a ghost in this very room
! Boy, pass me those goggles!”
    Oliver didn’t have time to even react before Wiley was up, whipping the Aspirator pack onto his back and darting toward the door, like a dog pulling on his leash. Not wanting to be left behind, Oliver grabbed the goggles and slipped them overhis own