SCARS by Amy Leigh McCorkle Page A

far between. He understood there was more than us in this equation that Ellen was very much a part of my life and that I needed her as much as I needed him.
                  I held onto to him and whispered back. “You’re not going to lose me. No one is.”
                  I looked up. Ellen was wiping away tears too.
                  “Just promise me you won’t forget that I was the one who was here when no one else was.”
                  James held tighter and trembled like a leaf.
                  “Never, Ellen. You’re my rock, my backbone. You always have been. You always will be. But James he needs me the way I need him. Just because he has my heart doesn’t mean I’m going to forget you. Or that I’m saying goodbye. I’m saying let’s make a room for a man who is worthy of me.”
                  He released me and in those stark blue eyes his I saw the same raw pain I had seen on the bridge. He cradled my face in his hands and again the world fell and he kissed me hungrily as if I weren’t there he’d die of starvation.
                  “Okay, I get. Get a room already,” Ellen said.
                  “Come home with me.”
                  I knew there was more than sex on his mind it was in his voice. There was something he wanted to talk about. I was going to defer to Ellen. Looking to her there was this smile on her face. But a sadness in her eyes.
                  “Just be safe. Treat her well. And just come home every once in a while.”
                  I walked over to Ellen and we hugged. There were tears. It was official. The torch had been passed.”
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Chapter Twelve
                  It was humbling.
                  Truly humbling.
                  I stood in James’ home wondering what the hell I was doing there and why a guy like him wanted anything to do with a girl like me. I mean for him I was a catch. He’d told me so himself.
                  We held hands the entire way there. Not a word was spoken. I knew Ellen was stepping out on faith that everything would be fine. After all so were James and I. Standing there in his kitchen things were suddenly very real and it scared me. A lot. I hadn’t been alone like this with a man since Kevin. And that had been a relationship I thought I would never recover from.
                  “You okay?”
                  “No,” I admitted as I slid down into the chair closest to me. “I haven’t done this in a really long time.”
                  “What’s that?”
                  “Been alone with a man. And I mean alone. Where there was no one else to judge to steer or to guide me. This was my call and as much as I know it was the right call it scares me.”
                  James pulled up a chair and took a seat. Taking my hands he looked me in the eye and asked, “Is it Ellen?”
                  “You gotta understand. Me and Ellen we’ve been through everything. I miss her already. I talk to her multiple times a day. It’s just…I’m humbled. I’m really humbled to be here. The part of me that used to believe in infinite possibilities? It was dead. Gone. Put to sleep. Ellen was always trying to draw that out of me. But she couldn’t do it. She’s scared something bad might happen.”
                  “Are you?”
                  “Yeah, but it’s worth the risk for me. I haven’t felt like risking anything in a really long time. Now it seems I’m risking everything including a friendship that has been the foundation of my recovery and survival for the last ten years.”
                  “I can see that. I see you opening your heart to me when you wouldn’t do it for anyone else. I