SCARS by Amy Leigh McCorkle
Authors: Amy Leigh McCorkle
“James, I can speak for myself. I’m not a child. However that being said, Ellen, I’m not ashamed of my actions either. I haven’t felt this alive in years. I want more than just survival. I want a life worth living. And for whatever reason James brings that out in me. I’m not about to walk away from it. James, I would prefer you to be more discreet when speaking about our sex life. But Ellen, I sure as hell don’t regret it either.”
James seemed satisfied. He didn’t seem to take offense at anything I said. Ellen leaned forward. “If he’s so great then why don’t go find myself a broken down alcoholic war vet since he seems to dazzle you so.”
James went stiff and let go of my hand as it clenched into a fist.
“Ellen, I know we’ve been through a lot but you’re crossing a line you may not be able to come back from.”
“You’ve know this guy for a week. We’ve known each other for fifteen years are you seriously threatening to throw me over for him.”
“We all have our secrets Ellen. Some are just darker than others.”
“Are you implying this man has secrets that would make him an ill suited match for you?”
“No. I’m saying that I have more in common with him than you might think. So please for the sake of our friendship I’m asking you to afford me the same consideration that I afford you every single time you bring a one night stand home. I don’t judge you or the guy for it so please don’t judge me for my choice in partner. And don’t you dare judge him for his.”
“Well I guess that settles that,” Ellen said standing up. “James, I hope you’re all that Rayna’s looking for, because clearly our friendship means nothing to her.”
I looked at James. He was as white as a sheet and fists were clenched as were his teeth. Unshed tears were in his eyes and was beginning to tremble all over.
For a moment I pushed aside the heartbreak I was feeling at Ellen’s irrational behavior and turned to James. I took his hand and touched his cheek. He had that thousand yard stare and I knew he was trapped in some horrible time and space from his past. For the first time in this entire mess Ellen’s demeanor softened considerably.
“Is he having a flashback?”
“Could you get me a cool wet cloth and a glass of water?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Then Ellen did what she always did in a crisis. She sprang into action. A regular Florence Nightingale.
I used to sing.
I wanted to be a regular Adele. I didn’t have her pipes. But I was killer on guitar. And I was skilled at writing a tune. My voice was quality. It just had a different range. The only song of hers that I ever tried and pulled off without having eggs or rotten tomatoes thrown at me was Skyfall.
“Here.”
I took the cloth from Ellen and set the water down. I placed the cloth at his neck and hummed the first few bars of Skyfall. As I was about to launch into the opening verses I slowly and methodically began to wipe his face down.
I was soft and clear, never belting it out. Staying calm and restrained. Giving him a line of communication that he wouldn’t be threatened by. Step by step I took the cloth down his arms until I reached his hands. As I took the cloth over he took the rag from my hand and set it aside and gently pulled me close and buried his face in my hair.
“I can’t lose you,” he whispered into my ear. I could feel his tears sliding down my neck. They were few and
James seemed satisfied. He didn’t seem to take offense at anything I said. Ellen leaned forward. “If he’s so great then why don’t go find myself a broken down alcoholic war vet since he seems to dazzle you so.”
James went stiff and let go of my hand as it clenched into a fist.
“Ellen, I know we’ve been through a lot but you’re crossing a line you may not be able to come back from.”
“You’ve know this guy for a week. We’ve known each other for fifteen years are you seriously threatening to throw me over for him.”
“We all have our secrets Ellen. Some are just darker than others.”
“Are you implying this man has secrets that would make him an ill suited match for you?”
“No. I’m saying that I have more in common with him than you might think. So please for the sake of our friendship I’m asking you to afford me the same consideration that I afford you every single time you bring a one night stand home. I don’t judge you or the guy for it so please don’t judge me for my choice in partner. And don’t you dare judge him for his.”
“Well I guess that settles that,” Ellen said standing up. “James, I hope you’re all that Rayna’s looking for, because clearly our friendship means nothing to her.”
I looked at James. He was as white as a sheet and fists were clenched as were his teeth. Unshed tears were in his eyes and was beginning to tremble all over.
For a moment I pushed aside the heartbreak I was feeling at Ellen’s irrational behavior and turned to James. I took his hand and touched his cheek. He had that thousand yard stare and I knew he was trapped in some horrible time and space from his past. For the first time in this entire mess Ellen’s demeanor softened considerably.
“Is he having a flashback?”
“Could you get me a cool wet cloth and a glass of water?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Then Ellen did what she always did in a crisis. She sprang into action. A regular Florence Nightingale.
I used to sing.
I wanted to be a regular Adele. I didn’t have her pipes. But I was killer on guitar. And I was skilled at writing a tune. My voice was quality. It just had a different range. The only song of hers that I ever tried and pulled off without having eggs or rotten tomatoes thrown at me was Skyfall.
“Here.”
I took the cloth from Ellen and set the water down. I placed the cloth at his neck and hummed the first few bars of Skyfall. As I was about to launch into the opening verses I slowly and methodically began to wipe his face down.
I was soft and clear, never belting it out. Staying calm and restrained. Giving him a line of communication that he wouldn’t be threatened by. Step by step I took the cloth down his arms until I reached his hands. As I took the cloth over he took the rag from my hand and set it aside and gently pulled me close and buried his face in my hair.
“I can’t lose you,” he whispered into my ear. I could feel his tears sliding down my neck. They were few and