Small Change by Sheila Roberts

much money from now on, you won't believe it.
    B RIAN : I'm proud of you, Tiffy.
    But the conversation did not go as planned.
    â€œ Diva on a Dime, huh?” he said, stopping work on the Jeep and wiping his hands on a rag. “You really think you can do that?”
    â€œI'm going to try,” she said.
    â€œThe diva part won't be a problem,” he said, frowning at the book. “You already work that pretty good.”
    â€œWhat's that supposed to mean?”
    â€œI mean, we don't need half the stuff you bring home. This book looks like one more way to get you to spend money.” He took it and flipped through the pages, landing on the chapter that dealt with how to save on jewelry. He began reading, growing a frown in the process.
    â€œThose are good tips,” Tiffany insisted. “Give it back. You're getting it all greasy.”
    â€œYeah, well, an even better tip is don't buy the stuff in the first place,” he said, handing over the book.
    â€œI wasn't going to,” she said. “I'm trying, Brian. I'm really trying. Anyway, Jess and Rachel found me this book at the library, so it didn't cost us a thing.”
    Of course, he hugged her and said he was sorry, but things were a little strained after that. Oh, they pretended everything was all right. They spent the evening with friends, playing Wii. Then they came home and went to bed and he kissed her good night.
    And that was all. There it was, proof that everything wasn't all right (as if she'd needed any proof!). It hadn't been so long ago that on a Saturday night Brian would have been all over her. And she'd have been all over him, too, and not only on a Saturday. Friday and Sunday and Tuesday and Wednesday, and sometimes, even Thursday. After her second miscarriage, sex had dwindled down to the weekends. Now Brian was claiming he was stressed, but she knew, deep down, he was losing interest. How could he not be? She was a malfunctioning baby machine and he wanted kids. They both did. Or maybe he still hadn't really forgiven her for getting those credit cards and he was punishing her.
    On Sunday, Brian watched a baseball game on TV and she read her book. It was all very cozy on the surface. The only thing missing was the cozy feeling. On Monday, life went back to the weekday routine with one exception: things were not right between them. She could feel it. Brian kissed her good-bye when he left for work and hello when he came home again, and he helped her with the dishes after dinner. But then he wandered outside and hung out across the street with their neighbor, who was restoring an old car.
    Tiffany watched out the window. Hanging out under the neighbor's car hood was as close as Brian could get to his dream of having something old to play with, and it was her fault. Sigh.
    Tuesday she got him to watch a chick flick on TV with her, but it didn't inspire him to do anything more than kiss her good night,and by Wednesday, the emptiness deep inside her that had opened up after her second miscarriage was back. She'd managed over the last few months to fill it with all her bargains, keeping herself happy with shots of shopping vaccine, but there was no vaccine now, and worse still her marriage needed a wonder drug.
    On Wednesday she attempted to nurse it back to health by pulling out candles and her best Victoria's Secret bargain and making margaritas. She managed to lure Brian into a wild bout of sex on the living room couch, but it didn't lead to any real intimacy, no spooning, no whispering in her ear how much he loved her—not that he had to do that every time, but this time, after he'd been so mad the week before about her spending, it would have been reassuring.
    Instead, he said, “Wow, babe, you did me in,” and wandered off for a shower.
    Wow, babe, you did me in. Well, that was … not the same as I love you.
    â€œI love you,” she called after him. All she heard in response was the water running.