Stanton Adore by T L Swan

Or did I imagine it? For the next three hours I act like the total loser I am. I down load Rihanna’s Diamonds track and listen to it on repeat while lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, only leaving the bed to dry reach into the toilet every now and then. I reminisce dancing with him last night, the feel of his unrestrained strength under my hands and the divine smell of him. Hmm, the way he bit my neck, I get goose bumps just thinking about it. His want for me, his pure maleness………… that’s not even a word? I can’t help but smile, my god he sure does, shine bright like a diamond that is. He’s still got it and worse than that, I still want it. Joshua Stanton is too beautiful for words.
    6.00pm Oscars.
    Bridget hasn’t talked to me all day other than tell me Joshua didn’t show for breakfast with his family. We are waiting for Abbie to arrive sipping our coffee in silence. I don’t know why she’s pissed off, I’m the one everyone is talking about. I just wish I knew what they were saying.
    Abbie finally turns up in a rush and obvious fluster. “Hi, what in the hell is the crisis meeting about?” She unloads all the crap from her bag, looking for her wallet. “Is it TC have you heard anything?” Her eyes search mine. “Has she made a move on him?”
    “No nothing like that,” I answer. “How would we know anyway?”
    “What’s so bloody urgent then? I am going on a date tonight.”
    “Who with?” We both say in tandem.
    “Tristan, Army guy,” we all smile. I think she likes him.
    Bridget sits back. “Natasha has something to tell us,” she folds her arms in front of her. God she plays the bitch well.
    “You do?” Abbie smiles, her face questioning and eyebrows raised.
    “Uumm,” I don’t look either of them in the eye.
    Bridget points her spoon at me. “Enough of this shit. Out with it.”
    Abbie looks between both of us. “What the hell is going on?” Obviously shocked at bitch Bridget’s venom. My moment of truth has arrived and I am about to be judged by the two people who mean the most to me. They are important. Their opinion matters, it really matters. I blow out a long and steadying breath as I try to calm my nerves.
    “I………I………… had a steamy month long sexual affair with Joshua when I was seventeen.” I say it in a rush to get the words out.
    “What the fuck!” Abbie spits out. I stay silent as I see the colour drip from their faces, my eyes flick between them. “Hang on, back up” Abbie is confused, she holds up her hand in a stop signal. “Your cousin?” she asks mortified.
    “Yes,” I nod.
    “The gorgeous one,” I nod again.
    “What. You slept with him?” I nod. “Your cousin,” she repeats as she frowns. “More than once?” I nod. “How many times?” Abbie is in total shock, I shrug my shoulders. “How many times?” she repeats.
    “Four or five times,” I answer.
    She puts her hand on her chest. “Oh thank god.”
    “Every day for a month,” I finish my sentence.
    “Fuck off,” Bridget snaps. We both look to her, she has been blissfully silent up until this point. “You slept with Joshua four or five times a day for a month? When was this?”
    “On holiday before he went away.”
    “Where was I?”
    “You were in England with Jenna,” she nods as she processes the information. I can almost see her brain ticking.
    “And last night was the first time you’ve seen each other since.” Once again I nod. “How do we not know this?” Bridget asks, the hurt in her voice cuts me. I’m a bad friend who keeps secrets.
    “Bridget I’m sorry, I couldn’t tell anyone I’m ashamed.” Abbie has her hands in front of her mouth like she’s praying.
    “Hang on,” Bridge whispers, “How old were you?”
    “Seventeen,” I answer knowing for certain what the next question is going to be.
    “Don’t tell me,” Abbie whispers eyes wide.
    I nod, “Yes, I lost my virginity to him.”
    “Fuck off,” Bridget snaps