Stay by Hilary Wynne Page B

me if we made any plans to see each other again.
    “Nope.” I breathe in deeply and exhale. There’s nothing I can do about it now, so I just let it go. I’m going to have to find a way to get Julian Bauer out of my head.

Chapter Nine
    My life returns to its normal boring routine. The irony is that until my encounter with Julian I was pretty content. Now I feel restless. I spent all last week thinking about Julian and what it would be like to see him again. I had forgotten how it felt to crush on someone new. I played out scenarios of how things would go down, and I even got butterflies when I replayed our conversations in my mind. My fantasy ending was nothing like what happened in reality, and now when I think about how I reacted, I feel sick to my stomach. I totally blew it with Julian, and now I need to figure out how to forget about him. I’m sucking at tha t too.
    I have lunch with Luke on Tuesday, and I want to ask him about Julian but sense it’s not a good idea. He doesn’t bring anything up about Saturday night either. He usually shares information about women he’s dating, but relationships seem to be a totally off-limits topic today.
    When I have my therapy session with Ellen this week, we talk about my little hookup with Julian. I don’t share all the details but give her the basics. When she asks me why I think I had the reaction I did, I express my concerns that I don’t think I’m good enough fo r him.
    “Why would you think that, Lexie? Everything you’ve told me suggests Julian thinks you’re good enough for him. I’m not sure what that even means. What about you isn’t good en ough?”
    I don’t need Ellen to get all shrinky on me. I don’t need to hear about how pretty, smart, and strong I am. I know Julian and I travel in different circles. I try to cut her off at the pass.
    “Maybe good enough isn’t the right way to put it. I just don’t think we’re a good fit.”
    I throw the lie out there and hope it sticks. The irony in my statement is I’ve never felt a stronger connection with a man in my life. I know Julian was feeling it too. I just can’t convince myself it wasn’t only a one-time thing. That thought snowballs into another, and I cringe when I think about how I behaved. It’s been forever since I acted that way and just let myself go. I’m feeling a little s lutty.
    “Lexie, I could sit here all night and tell you tons of reasons why you’re good enough for anyone. But you already know it, so it’s a waste of my time. I can’t really speak to you fitting with Julian because I have no basis for that opinion except what you’ve told me. But honestly, from over here it seems like you’re a perfect match. You need to remember you’re a twenty-five-year-old, single, beautiful woman, and it’s okay for you to have fun and enjoy your life as long you’re safe abou t it.”
    It all sounds really logical, and if I tried really hard, I might be able to convince myself what she’s saying about me is true. Unfortunately, at this moment in time, the bad stuff is just easier for me to believe. Since Brady died, I’ve tried to find a balance between the fun and the responsibility, but I’m not quite there. I still feel like it was all the “fun” we were having that made everything tur n bad.
    We wrap up the session with Ellen telling me she won’t be able to see me next week. It will be the first Wednesday in eight months I haven’t met with her. She’s going out of town on vacation. I promise her not to have any crises while she’s gone.
    Luckily for me, the next week proves to be uneventful. Nothing exciting is happening with work, my parents are out of town in Atlanta visiting my sister and therefore off my case, and I don’t have any more run-ins with gorgeous strangers. It’s a good thing Ellen is out of town. For the first time in months, I really don’t have anything to talk about.

Chapter Ten
    It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen Julian, and because