Straightjacket by Meredith Towbin

going through the motions. It doesn’t matter how many times you bring that in here. You might be able to shoot my hand full of stuff when I can’t move, but I’m not taking those pills.”
    “You sure have a nasty temper when you want to,” she huffed. “Suit yourself.” She turned toward the door and headed out. “See ya tomorrow, same time,” she yelled behind her. Anna had retreated almost entirely into the corner. He sat down on the bed, leaned over with his elbows on his knees, and let his head fall into his hands.
    “Caleb?” she whispered.
    “Yeah?”
    “Are you okay?”
    He shook his head back and forth like he was trying to expel the memory of what had just happened. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
    “Can I ask you something?”
    “What?”
    The springs of the bed squeaked as she sat down at the other end. “How come you don’t want to take your medication?”
    He hated that just a few minutes ago they were together, feeling like nothing could come between them, and now they were talking about this.
    “Because I don’t need it.” He was blunt but didn’t mean to be. All the bad feelings, the badness of this place, were making a mess of things.
    “But don’t you want to stop having those, what are they called…episodes?”
    “No, I don’t mind them. I’m fine.” He couldn’t tell her that he needed them. They were his only connection to heaven, with who he really was. To take them away would be agonizing. There would just be this place and nothingness. He couldn’t even bring himself to think about it.
    “Is it because you don’t want to stop talking to him?”
    Her words left him stunned. “No…no, that’s not…That stuff…I know what it can do. You take those pills, and all of a sudden, you can’t think straight, your hands are shaking, you can’t do anything. It makes you into…into a zombie.” His voice grew louder, even a little frantic. He took a deep breath to get himself under control. “I just don’t want to get into it.”
    “Sorry,” she said and let her head fall toward the floor. “I didn’t mean anything. I’ve just been thinking about what you said, about being an angel, and it’s just, I mean…who am I to say it’s not true?”
    He didn’t know what had happened to her over the last few hours, but something had changed. She was different. Her face, her body, all of it changed. It was almost like she was taller. What she had just said was too enticing. She made him want to blurt out everything and tell her all about who he was in heaven so she would know that this wasn’t him, only a badly formed imitation. But he forbade himself. It wasn’t part of his mission.
    What was he even thinking, pulling her close like that and telling her what she meant to him? He was weak and selfish. This wasn’t about him and what he needed, no matter how deep his feelings for her were becoming. He had to control himself, and he had to start now.
    “Anna, I’m sorry but I’m not feeling so great,” he told her as he stood up. “I think I’m gonna lie down. Thanks for coming to find me.” He walked toward the door and hoped she’d follow soon.
    “Oh…yeah, okay.”
    There was hurt in her voice, and he hated himself for being the cause of it.
    He forced a smile.
    She returned it.
    Then she was gone and he was alone again.
     

Chapter Eight
     
     
    Anna sat by herself on one of the benches in the courtyard. This was only her second time outside since she’d been admitted. The first time, she hadn’t noticed anything except the stone walls. About eight feet tall, they ran all along the perimeter. Although she could tell they were supposed to blend in and look natural, she noticed them right away and couldn’t forget that their job was to keep her in.
    Today, she let her eyes wander over the bushes that had been trimmed into perfect domes and the clusters of flowers—no doubt nontoxic—that had been planted at exact foot-long intervals. Young trees rose up here and