Strip Me Bare by Marissa Carmel

stabbing into my
soul.
    I’ve never been good at vocalizing what I’m
feeling, so I decide to deploy the show-don’t-tell tactic. I get up
from the table and stand over Ryan. He puts his hands on my hips;
his grip so tight it feels almost desperate. I lean over and kiss
him; a gentle, affirming kiss that seals our fate. When we part,
Ryan pulls me into a hug, his cheek pressed into my abdomen. I hold
him firmly to me; lovingly, supportively, compassionately. Because
I know Ryan has been to hell and back. I run my hand through his
soft wavy hair, and when he looks up at me I smile. He returns the
expression, confident in that whatever he’s about to tell me won’t
affect the way I see him. And that’s exactly the way I want him to
feel.
    I sit back down at the table, mentally
preparing myself for a conversation of epic proportions.
    “So?”
    Ryan huffs and I know he’s completely on
edge. But we have to do this. We have to talk.
    “So. Prison sucked,” he says, and then
stops.
    “Go on,” I encourage him. He shifts in his
chair like he can’t get comfortable.
    “It was confining and degrading and you
fought for your life every day.”
    I frown, “How did you survive?”
    “I made a reputation for myself.”
    “How?”
    Ryan’s eyes glaze over with something
ominous. “I tried to keep to myself at first. But that wasn’t
really working so well. Pretty boy in prison,” he shakes his head.
“I basically had bitch stamped on my forehead. One day one of the
other inmates started messing with me in the chow hall. I tried to
ignore him, but he just kept on pushing,” Ryan grinds his teeth and
wrings his hands together. “Things escalated, got physical and then
I don’t know. Something happened, I just snapped. Sean’s always
been the fighter. But in there, I was a different person. I beat
the guy within an inch of his life. It took three guards to pull me
off him and when they did, his face was unrecognizable. I remember
looking at him like it was through someone else’s eyes, seeing the
damage I didn’t know I was capable of.” Ryan’s body tenses all
over; the muscles in his arms stretching the fabric of his tight
t-shirt. “They dragged me away and threw me in solitary
confinement. I spent an entire day covered in the guy’s blood
before they let me out for a shower. Then I went back in for a
week.”
    “An entire week in solitary confinement?”
    Ryan nods absently.
    “That must have been unbearable.”
    “It was,” he looks up at me, his blue eyes
sharp, “but I thought about you. A lot. Everyday actually. For
three and a half years. And then every day after I got out.”
    “I thought about you too,” I say softly, and
then I get up and go sit on Ryan’s lap. I just need to hold him. My
heart is breaking thinking about him locked away. Being punished
for a crime he didn’t commit. It makes the lawyer in me go crazy.
And the girlfriend in me want to weep. But that’s not going to
happen. If it came down to it, I’d end up smashing something to
pieces before I let a tear roll down my cheek.
    “So what happened after that?”
    “I staked my reputation. I didn’t start the
fights, but I always finished them.”
    “Did you fight a lot?”
    “Not as much as others, but there was always
some jackass who wanted to start. Who thought he was tough,” Ryan
shrugs modestly. “I just made damn sure I was tougher.”
    “How do you feel now that you’re out?”
    “I’ve gotten better over the last few months.
I’m still resentful though.”
    “Of Sean?”
    “Of Sean, my mom. I barely speak to them,” he
says and there’s such sadness in his voice. “But like I said, I
can’t change my decision, only regret it.”
    “Ryan,” I grab his face and kiss him. I wish
I could take it all away; change the past, guarantee the
future.
    And I really wish I would have known.
    I pull away. “What happens if Sean does it
again?” I ask, with a little bit of fear in my voice.
    Ryan shakes his