Susanna Fraser by A Dream Defiant

nipples hardened against his palms.
    Suddenly he broke all contact and sat back, hard. “We have to stop.”
    “We’re married ,” she gasped. She could feel her face flaming in a blush, and she swept her hands down over her shift, smoothing the fabric. It only made her want his hands back. “We don’t have to stop anything.” Surely he was only worried about her leg, but it no longer seemed like a good objection to her . “As long as we’re careful, I think we can manage without hurting my ankle.”
    He shook his head and took several deep, shuddering breaths before he spoke. “I know. But, before we make this real, I need you to think. I need you to be sure you want me.”
    She let out a gasping laugh of sheer exasperation. “I am sure. Can’t you tell?”
    “That’s not what I mean.” Already his voice was calm and steady again. Rose at once admired his control and vowed to break it as soon as she could. “I—I wouldn’t think much of myself, if I took advantage of you wanting to lie with me, just at this moment, without you thinking of what it would mean to have me , for the rest of your life.”
    Did he think he was the only one here who thought before he acted? “Give me some credit,” she said. “I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me in the first place if I hadn’t thought about what it meant. You were the one who spoke of something temporary. When I asked you, I meant to be a real wife to you, so long as we both shall live, just like we said in the vows.”
    He closed his eyes and blew out a slow breath. “I thought you asked because you trusted me to take care of you, and not to take the rubies for myself.”
    “That’s part of it,” she said patiently. “I do trust you. I like you. I think you can keep me safe, and that you want to honor Sam’s wishes for the rubies. I think you can be a good stepfather to Jake. I wouldn’t want a husband who couldn’t do all that. And yes, I have thought about what it means that you’re black and I’m white.”
    “Have you, truly? Can you? You don’t know what it means to be black. I’m not sure any white person can.”
    “No, I can’t. But I know if we have children together, they won’t look like Jake. I know that people who never gave me a second look before will stare and wonder why I chose you. I know I’m taking on your people, and your history, by taking on you. I have your grandfather’s name now, too, you know.” None of it was what she’d expected from life, but if she wanted to keep Elijah, it meant taking it all on, and he was worth it to her.
    “Yes,” he said, “but if you leave me once the war is over, you won’t have to keep it.”
    She drummed her fingers on her blanket. “What would it take to convince you that I mean it, and I understand enough that you’re willing to—to take me as your wife in truth?”
    He gazed out into the night. “A little more time, I think. You have to understand—I’m more respected here than I would be many places, because of Colonel Dryhurst’s patronage, and because I’ve been here long enough to prove myself. If I go with you, and we buy this inn, I’ll have to start all over again. I was born with this burden, and I’ve made it my choice now, to do as my parents taught me and live in such a way as to show that a black man truly is the equal of a white. But it doesn’t have to be yours, too.”
    “I think I’d like to share your burdens,” she murmured.
    Now he met her eyes, and the way he looked at her made her want to kiss him again on the spot. “I—you... Thank you for that, Rose. But I think we should wait at least until your ankle isn’t paining you. It buys us time, in a way.”
    “I was thinking that myself,” she admitted, “until you kissed me.”
    He grinned.
    “You do have the best smile,” she said. “I think there’s women who’d marry you for that alone.”
    “Flatterer.”
    “It’s true.”
    Now he looked embarrassed, eyes downcast, a small