Swift (Strangetown Magic Book 1) by Al K. Line Page B

I had tried to beat him to a pulp. This is the effect Robin has on men, women too, and she milks it for all she's worth.
    "Charmed, I'm sure. And, Swift, why can't you ever learn to be nice to good looking men? You'll never get yourself such a handsome one as this if you go around trying to beat them up all the time."
    "It's my job. Although this time the bad guy turned out to be the good guy."
    "Anyone can see that. Look at him, no man who has been through what Pumi-Sopa Fialkowski has been through could possibly be anything but a total charmer." She smiled at him, him responding in kind. I rolled my eyes again and stepped past the two lovebirds.
    "Let's go inside. There are things we need to discuss, and I'm starving."
    "Oh, goodie, I'm a little peckish myself. What you cooking?"
    "Just get inside." Sometimes I despair, I really do. I have to cook for elves and demons after nearly getting killed, then I have to cook after fighting monsters and even have to invite my sister in.
    The day just got seriously bad, like it wasn't bad enough already.
    "Oh, um, Sis?"
    "Yah?"
    God, I hate it when she says that. She likes to think she is posh, but she grew up same as I did.
    "Have you been inside yet?"
    "No, I was waiting for you. I don't like that elf, he makes me feel funny, and it isn't natural."
    "I'm surprised you haven't jumped him and nibbled on his ears by now."
    "That's exactly the point, isn't it, yah? He's the one that should be nibbling on my ears, not the other way round."
    "Whatever, come on. Oh, damn, you made me lose my train of thought."
    "That's never difficult, is it? What did you want to say?"
    Did I mention that I often want to slap my sister? "Never mind, it can wait."
    I smiled. If she wanted to play funny buggers then she could see the new improved Mack with no warning. Serve her right.
    Look, I get my kicks where I can, okay?

 
     
     
    A Guest for Dinner
    It was childish, but as I opened the door and the temperature hit, Mack seemingly now giving off heat like a dry sauna, and I ushered Pumi and Robin inside, I smiled, waiting for the freak out to begin when she saw him.
    To say it was a letdown is an understatement.
    "Mack, is that you? Oh, how adorable. Look at those horns, so pointy and shiny. And those teeth, how do you get them so white? Tell me your secret, you absolutely have to."
    Okay, she's tougher than she looks. A lot tougher, actually, and I really thought I was going to get one over on her. No such luck.
    "Robin? Wow, you look so different from up here. How you doin' girlfriend? I'm used to just staring up your nose, damn those tiny dormouse eyes, but you look much better from this view. If I knew what a pretty woman looked like then I'd definitely say you were one. You one whole lot of sexiness, woo-hee."
    I tried not to sulk as he never said anything nice like that to me. I'm past that at my age, honest, and said, "Mack, meet Pumi. Pumi, meet Mack. And where's Zeno?" Zeno came out from the rear of the church with a rolling pin. He saw us and hesitated, then strolled down the now rather pleasantly arranged open space. The pews were gone, replaced with what furniture of mine hadn't been crushed. He held out a hand.
    "Hello, I'm Zeno. An elf, a good one."
    Pumi shook and said, "Hello, I'm Pumi. A human, a good one." He looked confused—you couldn't miss the fact Zeno was an elf.
    "Are you, are you really?" said Zeno. It was not going well.
    "Yeah," growled Pumi, "what do you think I am?" They held their handshake, their knuckles whitening even though the slender elf fingers were like a child's compared to Pumi's hairy meat hands.
    "I thought you were a Strange without a proper identity. I see you, know what you are."
    "And what is that?" This was getting uncomfortable. What was with these two? Then it clicked.
    "When you have quite finished we have things to discuss, important things. You too, Sis, seeing as you're here. Now, can we all play nice, please?"
    The two men gave each other what I