Taylor's Gift by Tara Storch

hear him praying for me.
    When I could speak, I continued. “I know what I’m capable of. I’m going to come home from this, and either I’m going to want to save the world or destroy it. I’m not sure which one it’s going to be. But I need to stay close to God, and I need your help to do it. I’m scared to death, Bill, and I need you to hold me accountable.”
    â€œI’m here for you,” he said.
    I looked at my hands and fingered my wedding band. “I can’t handle this on my own. I can’t fix this like I can fix everything else. This is too important, too big, and too horrible for me to face. I need you to hold me accountable to prayer. Help me give this pain to God. I can’t do this on my own.”
    We talked for a while, and then Bill said, “Let’s pray.” He reached out and took my hand.
    As Bill prayed for me, I felt the weight of my shame and guilt lift and my anger subside. I felt as though I had been to confession and now I was being cleansed, forgiven for the dark thoughts I’d been entertaining. By the time he finished praying, I knew what I was supposed to do.
    â€œGod wants me to be a husband, and He wants me to be a father. He needs me to be here for my family. I just need you to help me,” I said.
    â€œI’ve got your back. I’m here for you,” Bill said.
    And I knew he was.
    I also knew God was.
    The doors of hell had opened, and I had taken a good, long look. Perhaps God wanted me to get a glimpse of the evil I was capable of so I would cling to Him alone. Thankfully, graciously, mercifully, God, through the working of the Holy Spirit, had rescued me from my own thoughts and those doors had closed. I was weary from the battle, but at least my soul was comforted.
    I pulled out the footrest on the chair, leaned back, and closed my eyes. My hand was on Taylor’s foot, and my hope was in the Lord. I sat back to wait for the scan that would decide our future.
    Tara
    I opened my eyes, and it took me a minute to remember where I was. Then I saw Taylor lying next to me. Todd was sleeping in a chair, and Bill was awake in the chair next to him. It all came flooding back. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.
    â€œWhat’s going on?” I asked.
    â€œNothing has changed. We’re still waiting for the CT scan at seven o’clock. Todd fell asleep a few minutes ago. You’re both exhausted, you should sleep when you can,” Bill said.
    â€œI need to know what’s going to happen next.” The words spilled out quickly because I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to know. Bill and I had been close since I was a baby. He knew what I needed tohear and how to tell me. We talked about the scan and how doctors were looking for signs of activity in Taylor’s brain.
    â€œLike blood flow?”
    â€œExactly.”
    â€œWhat happens if they don’t see anything?”
    â€œThen they’re going to ask you two questions. The first will be about taking her off the ventilator.” Bill explained how we could be with her as she died.
    â€œWhat’s the second question?”
    â€œWould you be willing to donate her organs?”
    â€œWhat would that involve?” I asked.
    Bill explained how he and Todd had already had this conversation, and he didn’t want to do anything to persuade me one way or the other. “You really need to talk to Todd about that,” Bill advised, his voice cracking.
    I nodded, and the tears began to flow again. Bless his heart. Not only is he being a doctor for us, but he’s also a brother, a brother-in-law, and a friend. And he’s Taylor’s uncle! I knew he was trying to play a lot of roles to support us, but I knew he was also experiencing his own emotion.
    Bill wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and then glanced at his watch.
    â€œIt’s 6:48.”
    We had twelve minutes before Taylor was scheduled to have the CT scan. “Oh, God,