Texas by Sarah Hay

appeared to be such an effort. The hat would be useful though. It was something she could take back to England. Show off to her friends. It seemed such a long time since they were all together for her send-off at the bar on the high street. Although part of that night she preferred to forget. Towards the end of it when they’d had too much to drink, Ben had leant heavily on her and mumbled in her ear that she’d changed. She wasn’t a nurse any more. But it was how they met, working on the same wards, how they became friends. Then on the way home he insisted they have sex.
    â€˜You know you want it,’ he said.
    And wondering if perhaps she did without knowing it. A few glasses of red reducing her ability to remember clearly. Not sure what she’d said, if there was anything she’d done to lead him to think that. She spent the night with him out of guilt, and she couldn’t wait to get on the plane.
    Another friend, Anna, who came to the airport with her, said: ‘I think he suddenly saw the real you and decided he liked what he saw.’
    But who was the real Laura? Anna didn’t say.
    IV
    Laura reversed the ute out of the shed and drove across to the other side of the yards and pulled up alongside the hay. It was stacked in rectangular-shaped bales wrapped in two pieces of twine. Standing on top of them, she had worked out that she could lift one carefully onto the fence and then tilt it and roll it down into the tray, since they were almost too heavy for her to place on the back of the vehicle. The cattle had begun milling around the gate. If there was anything that pacified them it was feeding them hay. She’d been tailing the young cattle since they arrived a few days ago. John explained that if the weaners were let out in the bush they’d run wild and be difficult to muster later. It was her job to ride around them, get them used to a horse so they’d be quieter and easier to handle. She remembered the first day back on a horse. The men had returned from camping out in the bush to replenish their supplies of stores and horses. At breakfast John said there’d be a horse ready for her at the yards. The grey horse in the round yard looked up and its eyes followed her as she came through the gate. It was a dirty grey with eyes that wept. She carried the bridle over her shoulder, and as she entered, the horse moved away, angling its tail towards her. She walked in a tight circle, hoping to head it off, to get it to stand, but it trotted away. The gate behind her opened.
    â€˜She behaving like a mongrel?’
    The man she’d met on the journey from town walked towards the horse with his arms outstretched.
    Texas ‘Hah,’ he said loudly when it looked like it was going to trot off again.
    He wrapped his arms around the horse’s neck and he held out his hand for the bridle.
    â€˜Oh, it’s fine. I can do it.’
    Laura came around to the front of the horse and fitted the bit into its mouth and tightened the strap around its neck.
    â€˜Thanks,’ she conceded.
    He held the horse briefly by the velvety skin of its nostrils until it flicked his hand away. He grinned and slapped it gently on the rump.
    â€˜Good old girl.’
    Laura led the grey out to where she’d left the saddle and looped the reins over the rail. The reins were different from what she was used to and the stock saddle was bigger and heavier. The horse stood quietly while she pulled up the girth, blowing gently through its nostrils, flicking its head to unsettle a buffalo fly. She looked across the seat of the saddle towards the man who had helped her and remembered his name was Texas. He opened the gate to bring in the rest of the horses. She led the horse through another gate and out into the paddock, savouring its warm, earthy smell. It was patient as she adjusted the length of her stirrups and swung up into the saddle. She leant over its neck and stroked the hair behind its