Texts from Bennett by Mac Lethal Page A

order. My phone buzzed.
    HARPER: Something weird just happened.
    ME: What’s up?
    HARPER: You know our neighbor Tallulah? With the really blond hair?
    HARPER: The rich girl?
    ME: Yeah, the girl who lives kitty-cornered to us?
    HARPER: *catty-cornered
    ME: It’s kitty-cornered.
    HARPER: It’s caddy-cornered.
    ME: We’ve discussed this. I googled it. It’s kitty-cornered.
    HARPER: That doesn’t even make any sense. That’s like people who say crick instead of creek.
    ME: I agree that “crick” is the wrong way to pronounce it. However in this particular case the term is KITTY-CORNERED.
    HARPER: Wrong.
    ME: ???
    HARPER: Wrong. It’s catty-cornered!
    HARPER: Don’t argue with me right now. Listen. She just randomly showed up here like 10 minutes ago.
    ME: Who did?
    HARPER: Tallulah.
    HARPER: She brought $200 and a tray of brownies over for Bennett. She said she’s so thankful that he risked his life by jumping in front of the truck and rescuing her cat.
    HARPER:  . . .
    HARPER: Hello? You there?
    ME: I know you just typed that, and I could easily reread it. But I need you to just . . . repeat yourself. Send that text again. I think I’m hallucinating.
    HARPER: You aren’t. She said Bennett jumped in front of a truck and saved her cat.
    HARPER: Apparently he also nursed it back to health and—
    HARPER: Get ready for this one..
    HARPER: Read it a story?????
    HARPER: So she brought over a tray of brownies. An envelope of $200. And a letter personally written to Bennett.
    HARPER: She had tears in her eyes. She said Bennett was an angel sent from heaven. She also said her cat Slugger was much more calm and that Bennett’s presence relaxed him.
    ME: What did Bennett say about it?
    HARPER: I haven’t showed him yet. I think he left on his bike, but he might be in the basement.
    ME: Don’t give it to him yet. I’ll be right there.
    After receiving my bag of carryout food, I opened and read the fortune cookie that was sent with it:
    You drown faster when you try to fight it.
    I drove home with the food. Upon walking into the kitchen, Harper showed me the envelope and the tray of brownies. The bottom side of the tray felt warm, like she had just taken it out of the oven. I opened the letter and read it.
    Dear Bennett,
    Words can’t deserible how thankful I am that you rescued my slugger from the middle of the highway. He must have been so scared! He’s been purring all night, telling me how much of a hero you are. You are My hero too.
    Here’s your $100 reward + a $100 donation for the dolphin benefit race you are running. It’s amazing that you care for endangered animalsenough to run 50 miles in the blistering African sun. I hope the brownies help fuel your training!
    You are a beautiful neighbor. Congrats on buying the new house. Come over and say hi anytime, darling.
    Kisses,
    Tallulah
    p.s You being single is a true crime.
    913–302–****

10
Omoplata
    ME: Where are you? I just looked in the basement and you’re not here.
    BENNETT: im in line at da grocrey store and gotta stand wit my legs spread and rock side to side.. dis bitch in front of me think im tryin to dance wit her all creapy
    ME: Huh? Why are you standing like that?
    BENNETT: cuz i aint wipe my butt good enuff cuz i was in a hurry now it all oiley in my butt
    BENNETT: man dis sux.. dis bitch think i want her. she look like a vacum cleaner
    God, I know he spells like a moron and constantly degrades women, but he still made me laugh almost every time we texted.
    ME: Why are you at the grocery store?
    BENNETT: im gittin sum condoms got a new girl im gunna try 2 git wit
    ME: Who?
    BENNETT: telula da bitch dat live by U
    ME: CAT GIRL?
    BENNETT: ya her
    ME: The girl you lied to? Who thinks you A. Own my house B. Rescued her cat from the middle of the highway and C. Are running a 50 mile run for dolphins in Africa?
    BENNETT: YA
    ME: Well she brought you some brownies and $200.
    BENNETT: 200$ wat!.datz more then wat she sapossed to give me for a