The Adventures of Nanny Piggins by R. A. Spratt Page B

not take them because he was too cheap to pay for three children's bus tickets, and he did not like the effect the sea breeze had upon his hair.
    Even though, strictly speaking, the children would not classify going to the beach as a 'brilliant' idea, it was definitely a wonderful idea to them. And they also knew from experience that Nanny Piggins had a talent for turning even ordinary ideas into brilliant realities. So when she urged them to get dressed as quickly as possible or she would take them on the bus still wearing their pyjamas, they hastily did as they were told.
    Nanny Piggins and the children looked quite a sight on the bus because they had so much luggage. Nanny Piggins did not believe in leaving things to chance. She insisted on bringing anything that could possibly be necessary to ensure a wonderful day at the beach, which, to her mind, involved a lot of equipment. They had two large suitcases full of gardening implements for building sandcastles, binoculars for invading the privacy of other beach goers, pea shooters for tormenting annoying people and plenty of cakes and lemonade to sustain them (just in case all the shops at the seaside were shut because everyone in the area had simultaneously caught a cold).
    The Greens lived a long way from the coast. Mr Green did not like being close to nature. Seeing things bigger and more powerful than himself, like the ocean, made him feel that he was not quite in control. This was, of course, true, but he did not like to be reminded of it.
    The bus journey was long and windy. The children were wedged between the suitcases, which jolted into them every time the bus turned a corner. But they did not notice the discomfort because they were enjoying looking out the window so much. Of course, looking out a window can be dull. But not when you have someone like Nanny Piggins giving you a running commentary.
    'Look at that woman's head!' Nanny Piggins exclaimed. 'It's a wonder she has the courage to go out in public. I'd strap a cat to my head before I'd leave the house with hair that colour. And look at that man's trousers! There's nothing to hold them up. Do you think he had his bottom removed for medical reasons? Or that it got torn off in a terrible accident?'
    Observations such as these made the time pass pleasantly until they came over the hill and saw, in front of them, the blue expanse of the ocean stretching out to the horizon.
    'Great Balls of Fire!' exclaimed Nanny Piggins. She often said this when she felt very strongly about something but did not want to say a bad word in front of the children. 'We're all going to die!'
    'We are?' said Samantha with genuine concern. She did not want to die in the middle of such a pleasant bus trip.
    'Look! The edge of the land has broken off!' cried Nanny Piggins.
    Derrick, with a flash of insight, realised Nanny Piggins was talking about the ocean. 'It's meant to be that way,' he reassured her. Being the oldest, it was his job to pretend to be responsible when adults fell apart.
    'But the countryside has fallen away and there's nothing but all that blue stuff,' protested Nanny Piggins.
    'It's all right. The blue stuff is the ocean,' Derrick explained. 'That's what you get at the edge of the land. Haven't you ever been to the beach before?'
    Nanny Piggins never liked admitting she did not know something. But on this occasion she had to be truthful. 'No,' she conceded.
    'You mean there's actually something you haven't done?' asked Michael in amazement. It seemed to him that his nanny was an expert on everything. She certainly knew a million times more than their father or any of the teachers at their school.
    'Didn't your circus ever travel to the beach?' asked Samantha.
    'No,' said Nanny Piggins sadly. 'You see, the Ringmaster had a morbid fear of octopuses, so we always avoided the beach and aquariums.'
    The children nodded. They could see how a man would be afraid of octopuses.
    'I've read about beaches in books, of course,'