The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett Page A

criminals!” said Maurice.
    â€œAh, but when we’ve got the evidence, we can take it to the council, and then it won’t be criminal at all because we will be saving the day,” said Malicia, with weary patience. “Of course, it may be that the council and the Watch are in league with the rat catchers, so we shouldn’t trust anyone . Really, haven’t you people ever read a book? It’ll be dark soon, and I’ll come over and pick you up and we can shimmy the nodger.”
    â€œCan we?” said Keith.
    â€œYes. With a hairpin,” said Malicia. “I know it’s possible, because I’ve read about it hundreds of times.”
    â€œWhat kind of nodger is it?” asked Maurice.
    â€œA big one,” said Malicia. “That makes it easier, of course.” She turned around abruptly and ran out of the stable.
    â€œMaurice?” said Keith.
    â€œYes?” said the cat.
    â€œWhat is a nodger and how do you shimmy it?”
    â€œI don’t know. A lock, maybe?”
    â€œBut you said—”
    â€œYes, but I was just trying to keep her talking in case she turned violent,” said Maurice. “She’s gone in the head, if you ask me. She’s one ofthose people like…actors. You know. Acting all the time. Not living in the real world at all. Like it’s all a big story. Dangerous Beans is a bit like that. Highly dangerous person, in my opinion.”
    â€œHe’s a very kind and thoughtful rat!”
    â€œAh, yes , but the trouble is, see, that he thinks everyone else is like him. People like that are bad news, kid. And our lady friend, she thinks life works like a fairy tale.”
    â€œWell, that’s harmless, isn’t it?” asked Keith.
    â€œYeah, but in fairy tales, when someone dies…it’s just a word.”
    Â 
    The Number Three Heavy Widdlers squad was taking a rest, and they’d run out of ammunition in any case. No one felt like going past the trap to the trickle of water that dripped down the wall. And no one liked looking at what was in the trap.
    â€œPoor old Fresh,” said a rat. “He was a good rat.”
    â€œShould’ve paid attention to where he was going, though,” said another rat.
    â€œThought he knew it all,” said yet another rat. “A decent rat, though, if a bit smelly.”
    â€œSo let’s get him out of the trap, shall we?” said the first rat. “Doesn’t seem right, leaving him in there like that.”
    â€œYes. Especially since we’re hungry.”
    One of the rats said, “Dangerous Beans says we shouldn’t eat rat at all….”
    Another rat said, “No, it’s only if you don’t know what they died of, ’cos they might have died of poison.”
    Another rat said, “And we know what he died of. He died of squashing. You can’t catch squashing.”
    They all looked at the late Fresh.
    â€œWhat do you think happens to you after you’re dead?” said a rat slowly.
    â€œYou get eaten. Or you get all dried up, or moldy.”
    â€œWhat, all of you?”
    â€œWell, people usually leave the feet.”
    The rat who’d asked the question asked, “But what about the bit inside?”
    And the rat who’d mentioned the feet said, “Oh, the squishy green wobbly bit? No, you ought to leave that, too. Tastes awful .”
    â€œNo, I meant the bit inside you that’s you . Where does that go?”
    â€œSorry, you’ve lost me there.”
    â€œWell…you know, like…dreams?”
    The rats nodded. They knew about dreams.Dreams had come as a big shock when they’d started to happen.
    â€œWell, then, in the dreams, when you’re being chased by dogs or flying or whatever…who is it who’s doing that? It’s not your body, ’cos that’s asleep. So it must be an invisible part that lives inside you, yes? And being dead is like being