The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett

of crockery breaking. There had been quite a lot of that in the last half hour.
    â€œSounds like the lads are still at work,” said Maurice, carrying the dead mouse behind a pile of hay. “Nothing gets a good scream like Sardines dancing across the table.”
    The stable doors opened. A man came in, harnessed two of the horses, and led them out. Shortly afterward, there was the sound of a coach leaving the yard.
    A few seconds later there were three loud knocks from below.
    They were repeated. And then they were repeated again. Finally, Malicia’s voice said, “Are you two up there or not?”
    Keith crawled out of the hay and looked down.
    â€œYes,” he said.
    â€œDidn’t you hear the secret knock?” asked Malicia, staring up at him in annoyance.
    â€œIt didn’t sound like a secret knock,” said Maurice, his mouth full.
    â€œIs that Maurice’s voice?” said Malicia suspiciously.
    â€œYes,” said Keith. “You’ll have to excuse him—he’s eating someone.”
    Maurice swallowed quickly. “It’s not someone !” he hissed. “It’s not someone unless it can talk! Otherwise it’s just food!”
    â€œIt is a secret knock!” Malicia snapped. “I know about these things! And you’re supposed to give the secret knock in return!”
    â€œBut if it’s just someone knocking on the doorin, you know, general high spirits, and we knock back, what are they going to think is up here?” said Maurice. “An extremely heavy beetle?”
    Malicia went uncharacteristically silent for a moment. Then she said, “Good point, good point. I know—I’ll shout ‘It’s me, Malicia!’ and then give the secret knock, and that way you’ll know it’s me and you can give the secret knock back. Okay?”
    â€œWhy don’t we just say, ‘Hello, we’re up here’?” asked Keith innocently.
    Malicia sighed. “Don’t you have any sense of drama? Look, my father’s gone off to the Rathaus to see the other council members. He said the crockery was the last straw!”
    â€œThe crockery?” said Maurice. “You told him about Sardines?”
    â€œI had to say I’d been frightened by a huge rat and tried to climb up the cupboard to escape,” said Malicia.
    â€œYou lied?”
    â€œI just told a story,” said Malicia calmly. “It was a good one, too. It was much more true than the truth would sound. A tap-dancing rat? Anyway, he wasn’t really interested because there’s been a lot of complaints today. Your tame rats are really upsetting people. I am gloating.”
    â€œThey’re not our rats, they’re their rats,” said Keith.
    â€œAnd they always work fast,” said Maurice proudly. “They don’t mess about when it comes to…messing about.”
    â€œOne town we were in last month, the council advertised for a rat piper the very next morning,” said Keith. “That was Sardines’s big day.”
    â€œMy father shouted a lot and sent for Blunkett and Spears, too,” said Malicia. “They’re the rat catchers! And you know what that means, don’t you?”
    Maurice and Keith looked at one another.
    â€œLet’s pretend we don’t,” said Maurice.
    â€œIt means we can break into their shed and solve the mystery of the bootlace tails!” said Malicia. She gave Maurice a critical look. “Of course, it would be more…satisfying if we were four children and a dog, which is the right number for an adventure, but we’ll make do with what we’ve got.”
    â€œHey, we don’t do breaking and entering—we just steal from governments!” said Maurice.
    â€œEr, only governments who aren’t people’s fathers, obviously,” said Keith.
    â€œSo?” said Malicia, giving Keith an odd look.
    â€œThat’s not the same as being