The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 2 by Charles Dean

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    Darwin’s mouth dropped. What the--? Why would you taunt me like that? You offer me a choice and then take it away as soon as I make a decision! Why? Is this what would have happened if Neo had picked the blue pill instead? He wanted to get angry, and was about to, but then he saw the benefit of the Soul Fiend subclass and decided that he was actually rather happy it had been taken.
    Your skills have been upgraded!
    Soul Eater has turned into Soul Devourer - Temporarily consume all soul charges to fully restore hit points. Grants user +50% all stats for (Number of Souls * 5) seconds. This skill will automatically activate upon receiving a fatal blow. May only be used once per hour.
    Soul Collector - This skill now allows the user to carry (Level + 10) souls.
     
                  That’s not exactly an ‘I win button!’ but it’s probably the closest thing I’ll get to one these days. Dang, now I’m really curious about what Soul Sever would have turned into.
     
    Please choose between one of these abilities:
    With a Cherry on Top! (Passive) - Each kill yields one additional soul charge and a 1% damage bonus (fades after 300 seconds out of combat).
    Ever had an ice cream sundae without the cherry on top? Nope? Then why start now?
     
    Broken Hearts Make Smaller Bites! (Passive) - Each kill of the opposite gender heals user for 25% of max health.
    It’s not always good looks that leave a heart broken in two. Sometimes it’s just a well placed blade--which is perfect because the heart is much easier to chew in small pieces.
                 
                  Darwin looked at the ‘opposite gender’ part of the ‘Broken hearts make smaller bites!’ skill, then at one of the turtle wolves and frowned. How would I even tell what the gender of most monsters are? Would I have to awkwardly check? Do most monsters even have a gender? Darwin sighed. If I was a girl, that skill would be pretty overpowered for large group combat, but as a guy I feel like it’s pretty useless.
    Tiqpa, I pick ‘With a Cherry on Top!’ Darwin thought, causing the skill to glow for a minute while the other turned gray and then the two went to their respective places on a large tree that wasn’t visible earlier. Unlike the first choice, the one about which specialization he wanted to pick, he was actually rather confident that he made the right choice this time. As the abilities went to their place at the very bottom of the skill tree, he noticed that below them, already glowing like the ‘With a Cherry on Top!’ skill, was the passive ‘Hunger’ that had been mentioned earlier. While he couldn’t see it himself, he could feel from the blood rushing out of his face as he read the skill’s properties. He had somehow managed to grow even paler than before.
    Hunger (Passive) - Hunger causes the Soul Fiend to lose 1 soul charge for every five minutes he is out of combat. If the Soul Fiend has no soul charges to be consumed, then the Soul Fiend will begin to lose hit points at a rate of 1% every hour. Magic, items and natural health regeneration can not restore hit points lost as a direct result of Hunger. Consumption of a soul charge will restore all hit points lost from Hunger. Fatal Damage received by Hunger will not trigger the activation of Soul Devourer.
    “The belly is an ungrateful wretch, it never remembers past favors, it always wants more tomorrow.” - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
                  One percent per hour . . . that means, I have to kill something roughly once every four days or I’ll die, and the longer I stay out of combat, the harder my next fight will be. Darwin suddenly felt panicked. He had capped out his Soul Charges during the battle at the beach, but all fifty of those charges would only buy him four hours at most before his health started draining away from Hunger. Why did it make me take this specific specialization? What was the point of