The Beast and Me by D. S. Wrights

not it. I mean it. I really do. I wouldn’t want it if it was just that. It’s really not just that. And I don’t want to only justify my thoughts and feelings. How can I explain this... instinct?
    He’s careful, tender even when he manages to control himself. And that’s the difference. Yes, I know animals can be like that too, but he feels human. I just know that he is human. I’m not imagining this because I want him to be.
    It’s late now and nothing happened.
    This shouldn’t be a surprise, since it has never been two days in a row, so I shouldn’t have – yes – hoped. I wonder how he’s sleeping. Like... if he has a bed like mine, a room like this one, or a cell like I had the first days, or if they hold and treat him like an animal. I want to know... So many things. I have to find a way to get to know more about him.

Day 41
    Today, there’s a higher chance that I see him again. I barely slept and I’m already awake, although the day lights aren’t on yet. You know... the lights on the ceiling that switch on automatically to wake me up. It’s not like I have a choice... If it weren’t for the flashlight they have given me, which I’m using right now to write this.
    My thoughts have run round and round in my head. Hopefully I’ll get some sleep after Lunch, so that I am fit to meet him. They won’t blindfold me again, I think, so I’ll try to memorize everything on my way and find out how to get a chance of sneaking out of my room... if there is any. Maybe they will either trust me enough one day, or I have to... I don’t know.
     
    Peter can’t stand in front of my room all the time. I’m sure he doesn’t. Maybe they have cameras in my room? I have to check. I will after Breakfast, I guess, even though I don’t know what exactly to look for.
     
    Something changed today. They didn’t slide my Breakfast through the door. It has a lid, you know.
    Peter brought it to me and he wished me a good morning. I don’t know how to take this. Have they realized that I too need social interaction? Have they noticed that they are turning me insane?
    Too late, I don’t want this. I don’t trust them and he’s one of them; so I don’t trust him, even though he’s nice and friendly and asked me if I needed anything else. I told him that I would like to have a doorknob. He laughed. It was a sweet laughter; more like a chuckle and he made me smile with it. I hate it.
    The worst thing was: he smiled at me and said that he’ll see what he can do. He must be joking. Bad joke. Or he must be flirting. Bad move. Haven’t you got the briefing, Peter, I’m taken...
    God, what am I even writing?
    Why does this annoy me so much?
    I can’t wait to see him today. I need to see him.
     
    I couldn’t find any cameras, but it’s not like I’m an expert. Still, I don’t trust my room, or trust Peter. Luckily, there are no fake windows. There was nothing behind my mirror. I can’t reach the lights in the ceiling. The cameras will definitely be in there. What if they’ve got infrared or night vision? I know I sound paranoid but they are freaking watching me getting done by some human-animal cross-species; they’ll damn sure watch me sleeping as well. Which means: they know that Peter was in here, smiling at me... I’m going crazy... I know he’s an implant. There is no other explanation. I cannot trust him
     
    Workout – luckily – workout.
    I’m so worn out, so tired. I think I’ll take my nap before Lunch. Like right now.
     
    Peter scared the hell out of me.
    Why does he actually need to touch me to wake me up? No one does that. I don’t believe him that I didn’t react to his voice. He brought me Lunch. And he wanted to touch me. He could’ve made some noise. I cannot trust him to be just a normal and friendly person.
    “Are you my servant now, or what?” I spilled at him and made him chuckle – again, despite me wanting to be rude, despite me wanting to BLUSH.
    Why the hell does he chuckle?
    I