The Blazing World and Other Writings (Penguin Classics) by Margaret Cavendish Page B

answered the Duke, for I am hungry.
    By my troth, said the man, I had thought your hands, mouth, appetite and stomach had made a bargain; the one, that it never would desire meat nor drink; the other that it would digest none; the third, that it would receive none; and the fourth, that it would offer none; for on my conscience you have not eat[en] the quantity of a pestle of a lark this week; 10 and you are become so weak, that if a boy should wrestle with you, he would have the better.
    You are deceived, said the Duke, I am so strong, and my spirits so active, that I would beat two or three such old fellows as thou art; and to prove it, I will beat thee with one hand.
    No pray, said he, I will believe your Grace’s report, and leave your active Grace for a time, to fetch you some food.
    When his man came in with the meat, he found the Duke a-dancing.
    I believe, said he, you carry your body very light, having no heavy burdens of meat in your stomach.
    I am so airy, said the Duke, as I will caper over thy head.
    By my troth, said he, then I shall let fall your meat out of my hands, for fear of your heels.
    Whilst the Duke was at his meat, he talked to his man; why hast thou lived an old bachelor, and never married?
    O Sir, said he, wives are too chargeable.
    Why, said the Duke, are you so poor?
    No Sir, answered he, women are so vain, besides they do not only spend their husband’s estates, but makes his estate a bawd to procure Love servants, so as his wealth serves only to buy him a pair of horns.
    Pray thee, let me persuade thee to marry, and I will direct thee to whom thou shalt go a-wooing.
    Troth Sir, I would venture, if there had been any example to encourage me.
    Why, what do you think of my marriage, do not I live happily?
    Yes, said he, when your Duchess and you are asunder, butwhen you meet, it is like Jupiter and Juno, you make such a thundering noise, as it frights your mortal servants, thinking you will dissolve our world, your family, consuming our hospitality by the fire of your wrath; rolling up the clouds of smoky vapour from boiled beef, as a sheet of parchment[.] When you were a bachelor we lived in the golden age, but now it is the iron age, and Doomsday draws near.
    I hope, saith the Duke, thou art a prophet, but when Doomsday is past, you shall live in Paradise.
    In my conscience, Sir, said he, fortune hath mismatched you; for surely nature did never intend to join you as man and wife; you are of such different humours.
    Well, said the Duke, for all your railing against women, you shall go a-wooing, if not for yourself, yet for me.
    Sir, said he, I shall refuse no office, that your Grace employs me in.
    Go your ways, said the Duke, to the Lady’s maid you gave the letter to, and present her with a hundred pounds, and tell her, if she can help me to the speech of her Lady; you will bring her a hundred pounds more, and if you find her nice, and that she says she dare not, offer her five hundred pounds or more, or so much, until you have out-bribed her cautious fears.
    Sir, said the man, if you send her many of these presents, I will woo for myself, as well as for your Grace, wherefore by your Grace’s leave, I will spruce up myself before I go, and trim my beard, and wash my face, and who knows but I may speed, for I perceive it is a fortunate year for old men to win young maids’ affections, for they say, the Viceroy is to be married to the sweetest young beautifullest lady in the world, and he is very old, and in my opinion, not so handsome as I am: with that the Duke turned pale.
    Nay, said the man, your Grace hath no cause to be troubled, for ’tis a lady you have refused, wherefore he hath but your leavings.
    With that the Duke up with his hand, and gave him a box on the ear: thou liest, said he, he must not marry her.
    Nay, said the man, that is as your Grace can order thebusiness; but your Grace is a just performer of your word, for you have tried your strength, and hath beaten me with one